Bulletin Board Post

Family

My Grandma Passed Away

<div class="ExternalClassC9C2A399C1A947E99E75279DA216C1A8">Hi. I'm a little embarrassed to be asking for advice on this because the whole thing is really complicated. My Grandma passed away today. She's been in a nursing home for a while but she recently got very sick and went into a coma. Anyways, I basically spent the whole day crying. I feel extremely guilty for not visiting her. I haven't seen her in a year or more, but that's because my Dad, (My Grandma's son). My parents divorced when I was really little because he was abusive to my Mom, brother, and me. He told my Mom over the phone that we weren't allowed to go see her; apparently he put us on a "do not let in" sort of list. I'm extremely angry at him for not letting me see her. I feel like I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her and I can't stop thinking that she must've been hurt that I didn't come visit. We were extremely close when I was young. And I won't be able to "visit" her until the spring when she gets buried. There's no funeral or anything. I'm sorry for rambling on. Basically what I need help with is how to cope. I feel extremely sad, angry, numb, everything. </div>

<div class="ExternalClassB8D5D87AB72440C68418966C8748CAC9"><div><div class="ExternalClassC9C2A399C1A947E99E75279DA216C1A8">We are glad that you reached out today, and are so sorry for the loss of your beloved grandmother. When a loved one dies it is normal to experience grief. Grief is very painful and you can expect to feel a variety of emotions including anger, sadness, and depression. Your grief is also compounded by the fact that you were deprived, through no fault of your own, from saying goodbye to her. In order to deal with grief you have to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Physically, make sure that you get plenty of rest and that you eat regular healthy meals. Try to maintain your daily routine as much as possible. Many people find that trying staying in a regular routine will help them get through difficult times. Emotionally it is important to recognize when you may need extra support. Do not let yourself become immobilized because of your pain. Identify important support systems that you can turn to if you need help. These support systems can be your family, friends, or a hotline counselor. Also make yourself a personal priority by treating yourself gently, finding what gives you comfort, and postponing any major decisions until you feel more emotionally centered. Utilize friends for social support. Do not isolate, and force yourself to do something with people on a regular basis. You will find that you might not want to hang out with friends, but you will feel better when you do. Many people find it helpful to use coping strategies when dealing with grief. These coping strategies include journaling, listening to music, exercising, or other types of activities that give you comfort. If you are spiritual reach out to your higher power for support and comfort. It is unfortunate that your father would not allow you to visit your grandmother, and to say goodbye when she became sick. However, try to take comfort in the fact that you were such an important part of her life in your early years when she was alive. Write a letter to your grandmother and express your feelings. Put in it all the words that you would have said if you could have said goodbye. Also talk to other people who knew her so that you can get some of their good memories of her. Write these down so that you can reflect on those as well. This really helps when you are struggling with her loss. Take care and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you. Nancy, counselor </div></div> </div>

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