| My Mother Is Guilt Tripping Me | Family | My Mother Is Guilt Tripping Me | <div class="ExternalClass9BCA9ADB74E64FDA96E7F3CE3C19B4EE"><p style="font-family:georgia;font-size:16px;"><span>I'm 16 and I just had another argument with my
mother about her guilt tripping me. She has been trying to make me feel guilty
since I was very little and it's resulted in severe depression, social stress,
anger, and thoughts of killing myself daily. Every time I tell her she has hurt
me she will always say I'm being crazy or that's not what she meant even though
the comment was passive aggressive towards me. She does this to the rest of the
family and I'm the only one that says anything to her. She is verbally abusive,
manipulative, snarky ... but in public she acts like an angel so no one
believes me when I say these things about her so I feel isolated.</span></p>
<span style="font-size:16px;">
</span></div> | <div class="ExternalClass2F1558C1E6524016A7E0431E07B99FB5"><div><div class="ExternalClass9BCA9ADB74E64FDA96E7F3CE3C19B4EE"><p style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Thanks for
reaching out and sharing your feelings. Guilt is a very old way of
disciplining children and keeping peers in "check". In fact it
may be the way your Mother was disciplined as she was growing up and perhaps if
her parents are still living, they may be continuing to guilt her in to coming
to visit them or doing things for them.</span></p>
<span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><p style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>We certainly
are not making excuses for her or indicating in any way that it is okay.
It isn't and it hurts relationships. We are glad that you recognize it
and the harm it can cause. It is less likely that you will use it in
relationships and in your own parenting style.</span><br></p>
<span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><p style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Now, what to do
about it!! We think that it is good that you call her out on it even
though it creates friction between the two of you. When you do talk to her about this try to keep your voice tone neutral, try to be specific and be sure to tell her how it makes you feel. Your appropriate response will serve as an example of how you would like to talk to each other. She may not mean to hurt, but telling her how you feel in a calm matter will help her to understand. The calmness that you convey will help her to listen to your words instead of being distracted by the intensity of your response. We do
encourage you NOT to argue with her. In fact, do your
best to control your emotions. Put together a plan to
keep yourself calm and not let what she says and does, cause you to feel badly
and especially negatively about yourself. Whether it is to use "positive
self-talk" or say a prayer, or go through the words of a song, something
that will help you better control yourself and your emotions.</span><br></p>
<span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><p style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Be strong and
be prepared. You cannot control your Mom, you can only control your response. Be sure that you respond in a way that is an example of how you would like to be treated.</span><br></p>
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</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><p style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span style="font-size:10pt;">Sincerely,</span><br></p>
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</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
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</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Pat, Counselor </span></p>
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