Dad Emotionally Abuses MeAbuseDad Emotionally Abuses Me<div class="ExternalClassD82086E19197402EB7842CBE6951375D"><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;"><font color="#000000">My dad emotionally abuses me and neglects me on a regular basis. I barely talk to him but every time he talks to me it's to criticize me, and if I point anything out it's always my fault (basically just more criticism). I've been done with him for a long time and I want to sit down and actually talk about his issues at my therapist's office but I don't know what to do. There's countless things to say that I can't go through here and nowhere to start and he probably won't even listen to me. I'm afraid that if he gets too mad he'll just make my life hell back at home. I could move in with my mom (they're separated) but I'd rather not for multiple reasons. I guess what I'm asking is, how do I go about discussing his abuse? I want to try to clear the air one last time and if worse comes to worse, I'm out. </font></span></p></div><div class="ExternalClassBC2D798DB68F49078280976134E85C54"><p>​<span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">It is very mature of you for wanting to talk with your dad about what has been going on and how it is impacting you. Many times the abuse or situation gets brushed under a rug and it is never discussed. We are proud of your strength for wanting to try to talk with him and to come up with an action plan going forward. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">Here is what we would suggest. First, start writing down some ideas as to what you want to say to him and the incidents that you would like to talk about. You can jot them down on paper or on a notebook. Secondly, decide if you feel you need to have an adult with you or not. Can you talk with your school counselor or another family to help you? If not, then decide when you want to do this. If you feel you can sit one on one, pick a time that you feel is best for the both of you. A time with no distractions and when you think he is most likely to be open and listening. For instance, you wouldn't want to pick a time when he is just coming in the door from work and has been in traffic; his emotions may be high and he has had a full day. You have too. So decide a time that will benefit the both of you. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">Finally, think about what the outcome could be. What do you think he will say or how will he react. After you say what you need to say, are you prepared for what he might say. Remember you can't control his reaction in any way. But you can prepare yourself for anything. Don't let his words attach to you. Emotionally we allow people's actions and words to attach to us and it hurts us and it's hard to recover. Remember, whatever he is saying or doing most likely has nothing to do with you. He is dealing with something on his own and directing it towards you. You are the target of his words and actions. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">If you want to talk more about this or run some thoughts by us, let us know. We have some great articles for you to read before you start journaling thoughts. Take a few minutes to read these and let us know if you have any questions. </span></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-abusive-relationships.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;text-decoration:underline;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-abusive-relationships.aspx</span></a></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-not-feeling-support-from-parents.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;text-decoration:underline;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-not-feeling-support-from-parents.aspx</span></a></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-problem-talking-to-your-parents.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;text-decoration:underline;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-problem-talking-to-your-parents.aspx</span></a></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-how-to-talk-to-parents.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;text-decoration:underline;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-how-to-talk-to-parents.aspx</span></a></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">Again, we are here for you and call, email, chat or text anytime you need to talk or just get some support. You don't have to go through anything alone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">Take care, </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:11pt;">Naina, counselor</span></p></div>15

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