Bulletin Board Post

Addiction

Afraid I Will Marry Someone Like My Dad

<div class="ExternalClass2E37FFC1518B401FBE863F019A1FDED6"><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">I'm so afraid I'm going to end up being with someone like my dad. My dad and I don't have the best relationship, he is addicted to prescription pain pills and won't admit it and at this point I've cut myself off from him emotionally which I know probably isn't the best thing to do but a lot of people in my family become addicted to things very easily. And with my past couple relationships I'm always afraid to fully commit to my S.O. because of the fear that my relationship will become my parents relationship. At the moment my parents are only together because of my brother and I. They've had such bad fights that you can tell the love just isnt there anymore. I wish there was a way I could talk to my mom (as shes my best friend) and encourage her to be happy and find someone who can make her happy instead of worried about how many pills my dad takes in a day. How do I overcome this constant fear of being with someone like my father? I'm crying by the thought of marrying someone like my father and it drives me insane. </span></p></div>

<div class="ExternalClassF70E40D67DA640379A1AB1E8509284BD"><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3">One way to help yourself is to tell yourself, "I can't control this situation". Sometimes even just saying those words can bring some emotional relief that is well needed and some clarity to the reality of the situation. That does not mean you cannot do anything about it, but again it does remind yourself that this is something your Dad has to first admit is a problem and then be willing to get help for it. As you know addictions trump most everything else in life. So every facet of his day is going to be based on if that addiction is fed first. What you do have control over is how you react to it. </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3">So – back to the first paragraph where it was mentioned it is understandable you feel a certain way – you have a right to those feelings, but just being able to recognize what is going on and identify what the problem is really puts you steps ahead in identifying the kind of guy you do want. With a physical addiction like that and the fact that you mentioned several family members have addictions, the only thing that this means for you is that if you DID start using, there is a greater chance it could lead to an addiction. It does not mean you are going to use or that you are going to be drawn to people that use. If anything, you know what you don't want, and that is a good thing. You know the red flags. You know the feelings that come along with living with someone who is addicted, and you do not like them. Now you can make a plan to stay away from them.</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3">If you want to talk to you Mom, start with a feeling statement. "I feel bad that you are having to…." "I feel worried about…." I feel statements place no blame but allow you to express your feelings and concern. Ask your mom what you can do to help to, but you also have the right to set boundaries if you choose to have some separation from the issue to protect yourself as you have already started to implement.</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3">You truly have shown a lot of maturity in the way you are handling this. You are not alone. All of the above are just suggestions too. You need to do what you feel is best. Keep safe and keep reaching out.</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3">Laura, Crisis Counselor</span></p><div></div></div>

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