I Started Cutting AgainAddictionI Started Cutting Again<div class="ExternalClass3CB557281B584C4B921B782AF22712D4"><p>​<span class="ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4 ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3" style="">I started cutting again. I stopped for a while but I am doing it again. I have anxiety, depression, and self esteem/confidence issues. I have been cutting every day for a week now and I don't think I can stop, even though a part of we wants to. That part that wants me to stop makes me feel tired. I have been talking to my therapist and trying meditation but I don't think that the meditation will work. I did meditation yesterday and I felt better, but I keep getting drawn back in. I just like the feeling of the knife ripping my skin, I like seeing the blood. It makes me feel calm. I know that this all sounds dangerous and insane, but I just need to talk to someone who is not my therapist. I wish this was all secretive, but I guess there is nothing I can do about it now. I don't want to go to the hospital, my friend was admitted in a facility for a few days, and I have done my research and it seems terrifying. I want to someday not wear a sweater in 80 degree weather and not have people gawk at my wrists. I want this to happen but I can't and I don't want to put the plan in motion. I am so lost right now. I want to get rid of my marks for my upcoming graduation, but I can't seem to stop making them. I guess that I don't want to help myself, I just want someone to do it for me, but they can't, so I get annoyed and don't make the effort to help myself stop. Thanks for listening. What do you think I should do? </span></p></div><div class="ExternalClassC36D824298B945F2A9FB49B421436FD1"><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">We are glad you have discovered our website and are reaching out tonight.  We can appreciate the sense of frustration, confusion, and anxiety you conveyed in your email about cutting.  There is no shame or judgement here, let's look for clarity and options.   </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">While it may sound unusual, cutting and self-harm  can actually be a form of "self-medication" as the process brings a certain feeling of relief, release, or even relaxation at times when we are very stressed or depressed.   The benefits of self-harm are superficial as the process does nothing to address or resolve the stress or depression it seems to relieve.  Consequently, the need to self-harm resurfaces  and the process becomes progressive, sometimes dangerous, and often an independent issue to be resolved in and of itself.   It is similar to other agents of addiction such as alcohol and other drugs, and extreme forms of "normal" behavior such as eating, exercise, spending money, and the list goes on. </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Our survival instinct is driving us to reduce pain and pursue pleasure, yet our mental state distorts the process and we look for quick and easy ways to do so.  And to add to the confusion, our culture encourages "quick fixes".</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">So, what to do when you begin to think about self-harm?  </span></p><ol><li><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Try to let go of any shame you may be feeling about your thoughts and feelings.  Shame is about being a bad person, you are not a bad person.  You have a bad habit. </span></li><li><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Try to use some relaxation techniques such a deep breathing.  Reinforce your thoughts that self-harm will only help for a short period, and does nothing to really help the true issues.</span></li><li><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Tell yourself it is ok not to have all the answers right now.  Anxiety, confusion, and fear are all natural human emotions to confusion and ambiguity.  We humans are messy creatures.  Tell yourself you will work things out one step at a time.  Remember "By the inch it is a cinch, by the yard it is hard".</span></li><li><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Tell yourself this is Your Life, and you prefer the real struggle versus a superficial solution. </span></li><li><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Give yourself a hug.</span></li></ol><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Much of our culture is about "Don't let them see you sweat" and "Image is everything."  Unfortunately, this promotes us towards holding and "stuffing" our real emotions.  While it is not appropriate to always wear our emotions on our sleeves, the human body and mind are not designed to be effective storage vessels of lots of emotions.  Work at allowing yourself to express your emotions as you feel them.  While we cannot always wear our emotions on our sleeves, we can regularly express them through other ways such as exercise, art, music, writing, hobbies, and yes, talking.  This will offer the release we need and keep emotions from building up pressure that impacts our mental and physical health.  </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">We want you to know we are here for you. </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Sorry for the long winded answer.  Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Sincerely,</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Larry – Counselor</span></p></div>15

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