Brother Is Emotionally Abusive | Abuse | Brother Is Emotionally Abusive | <div class="ExternalClass474E89B1AB8B4FFD935B2E79D54D61B4"><p style="font-family:georgia;font-size:16px;"><span>My elder brother is
emotionally abusing my little brother and I. He calls us stupid, whenever we
make mistakes, even if those mistakes are due to ignorance. He says that he is
better than us because he is taller and older. I know that neither of these allegations
are true. I know I and my little brother score in the top 1% for intelligence-
and knowledge, when adjusted for our age. I know that no human being is
intrinsically better than another. But I know this in my head. His repetition
of these messages has made my emotional reaction be "Yeah, that's
true." Which is wrong on several levels. I'm not old enough to leave, he's
too lazy to go to college, and Mom tries, but Dad's death broke her a lot. I
need something to give. My migraines are triggered by emotional distress, and
trying to reconcile my emotional and logical response to my elder brother's
treatment causes quite a bit. My migraines are severe, lasting three days to
two weeks and keeping me bedbound due to auditory and visual sensitivity. What
can I do to deprogram myself? </span></p>
<span style="font-size:16px;">
</span></div> | <div class="ExternalClassC7BA66B1DD7B49FDB95A676A68AB3C03"><div><div class="ExternalClass474E89B1AB8B4FFD935B2E79D54D61B4"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>We are glad you have discovered our website and are reaching out
today. Reaching out
is the brave and wise thing to do. For lack of a better term, we will
call your older brother’s activity “bullying”. First, we need to
understand and accept that there is little if anything you can do to change
your brother’s behavior, especially if you mother is not getting involved. </span></p>
<span style="font-size:16px;">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>You have great insight into how you are reacting, which is a big
step in addressing the problem. Take some time to mentally rehearse
new ways of reacting to your brother’s comments. One imagery is to think
of an emotional sponge. When your brother starts his comments, you are
currently “absorbing” all of his comments. After a while, we can
become like a saturated sponge emotionally. Imagine wringing out the
sponge of all of the “dirty water” until the sponge is clean again. Fill
the sponge with thoughts of all the positive things you know about yourself,
like about yourself, and like to do. </span><br></p>
<span style="font-size:16px;">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Another imagery is to think of an emotional suit of armor that
comes over you when your brother starts his bullying. Imagine the
comments rolling off the armor, not even penetrating. While
he is making his comments, you are calmly thinking about all of those great
things you like about yourself, like and like to do. </span><br></p>
<span style="font-size:16px;">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>What we think within and about ourselves defines who we are
much more than a bully’s comments. Practice these imagery exercises
often, and have some patience. Look for improvement, not perfection in
the beginning. The more you practice, and then implement, the more
natural it will become. </span><br></p>
<span style="font-size:16px;">
</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">Take care, let us know if you would like to talk.</p>
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</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Sincerely,</span><span> </span></p>
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</span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Larry – Counselor</span></p>
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