Bulletin Board Post

Abuse

Brother Is Emotionally Abusive

<div class="ExternalClass474E89B1AB8B4FFD935B2E79D54D61B4">My elder brother is emotionally abusing my little brother and I. He calls us stupid, whenever we make mistakes, even if those mistakes are due to ignorance. He says that he is better than us because he is taller and older. I know that neither of these allegations are true. I know I and my little brother score in the top 1% for intelligence- and knowledge, when adjusted for our age. I know that no human being is intrinsically better than another. But I know this in my head. His repetition of these messages has made my emotional reaction be "Yeah, that's true." Which is wrong on several levels. I'm not old enough to leave, he's too lazy to go to college, and Mom tries, but Dad's death broke her a lot. I need something to give. My migraines are triggered by emotional distress, and trying to reconcile my emotional and logical response to my elder brother's treatment causes quite a bit. My migraines are severe, lasting three days to two weeks and keeping me bedbound due to auditory and visual sensitivity. What can I do to deprogram myself? </div>

<div class="ExternalClassC7BA66B1DD7B49FDB95A676A68AB3C03"><div><div class="ExternalClass474E89B1AB8B4FFD935B2E79D54D61B4">We are glad you have discovered our website and are reaching out today. Reaching out is the brave and wise thing to do. For lack of a better term, we will call your older brother’s activity “bullying”. First, we need to understand and accept that there is little if anything you can do to change your brother’s behavior, especially if you mother is not getting involved. You have great insight into how you are reacting, which is a big step in addressing the problem. Take some time to mentally rehearse new ways of reacting to your brother’s comments. One imagery is to think of an emotional sponge. When your brother starts his comments, you are currently “absorbing” all of his comments. After a while, we can become like a saturated sponge emotionally. Imagine wringing out the sponge of all of the “dirty water” until the sponge is clean again. Fill the sponge with thoughts of all the positive things you know about yourself, like about yourself, and like to do. Another imagery is to think of an emotional suit of armor that comes over you when your brother starts his bullying. Imagine the comments rolling off the armor, not even penetrating. While he is making his comments, you are calmly thinking about all of those great things you like about yourself, like and like to do. What we think within and about ourselves defines who we are much more than a bully’s comments. Practice these imagery exercises often, and have some patience. Look for improvement, not perfection in the beginning. The more you practice, and then implement, the more natural it will become. Take care, let us know if you would like to talk. Sincerely, Larry – Counselor </div></div> </div>

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