Bulletin Board Post

How Do I Talk To My Mom About Being Transgendered?

Family

How Do I Talk To My Mom About Being Transgendered?

<div class="ExternalClass1781D07392154C55ABB7BEFC716D5192">I don't really know what to say but I guess I'll start from the top. So ever since I can remember I've felt off, not liking feminine things, wanting to only have guy friends, puberty stress...etc. and just last year I learned what transgender meant and it clicked. A while later I told my mom about my depression and anxiety and it gunned until I was kinda cornered by my mom to tell her if I felt like a guy and I said I did, the next day she heavily turned the idea down with a lot of transphobic comments that made me extremely suicidal and I started cutting, I didnt expect it to hurt as much as it did, So I haven't said anything since. But whenever the topic comes up my mom gets upset and extremely defensive. And keeps telling me I'm a girl not a guy. I got my haircut and she always tells me she hates it and it needs to be more feminine. Now, how I feel and her influence as a parent are clashing and confusing me so much to where my stress is at a new high and I started getting panic attacks. I can't tell if she is transphobic or just doesn't know enough to understand. But her not giving me the time of day to calmly and patiently talk about it with me (it's really difficult to talk about) is taking a huge emotional toll on me. Can you help me talk to her about it? </div>

<div class="ExternalClass00F353BAD2864A30BFA4A62B74D76997">It can be extremely difficult to express your feelings in a face to face conversation with someone especially if you have had conflict in the past. Often in these situations writing can help a lot. Try to start with writing to yourself in a reflective way about how you're feeling and what types of things that you wish your mom would know about you. Understand that you can't change someone's beliefs for them but you can lovingly give them new information that they may not have thought about before. Try also to make a list of things that you agree on with your mom, try to find as much common ground as possible. With a new perspective from these lists/journals you can start organizing a letter to your mom. In the letter try to focus on your feelings. Tell your mom about how hurt you have felt. Tell her also about your cutting and suicidal thoughts. The letter will give you the opportunity to calmly and patiently explain the things that you want her to know. We have a tip that might help and an example of this: <a href="/Pages/tip-your-identity.aspx">Your Identity</a><a href="/Pages/tip-letter-to-your-parents.aspx">Writing A Letter To Your Parents</a> We know this is a really difficult time for you. We will be here for you, you can talk to a counselor by phone or text. If your suicidal thoughts ever become too much for you, reach out right away. Instead of doing something to harm yourself, talk about your feelings with one of our counselors or a trusted adult. Practicing a replacement behavior (such as calling or something else from <a href="/Pages/Self-Injury-Learning-To-Ride-The-Wave.aspx?Topic=Self-Injury">this list</a> instead of hurting yourself is a great first step in finding a new way to deal with your stress. Let us know if you want to talk, Sara, Counselor </div>

You don't have to face your problems alone!

Counselors are standing by.

Ways to Get Help