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Family

My Mom And I Always Argue

<div class="ExternalClass166A3546A88443C8A8093BE9167C304B"><p>I am always constantly arguing with my mom about silly stuff. Every day we ride to school and we always end up arguing in the car. I don't think there has been a day where we haven't argued. But she is also always on my back, and I'm starting to lose it. I'm afraid we are going to tear our relationship apart. I just want to stop that before it's too late. <br></p></div>

<div class="ExternalClass97DC5E49B8F14EF9A57506E81490DE1E"><p>We are glad that you are writing in. One thing we want you to know is that you can't control your Mom, but you CAN control yourself. It takes two people to argue and you can choose NOT to be one of them. Regardless of how the disagreement starts, you can choose not to participate. If you want to disagree, there is a definite way to do that respectfully. If you bring something up and your Mother says “no", just hold your tongue and allow time to pass for at least 15 minutes. Then ask if you can talk about it now, if she says no again, drop it until later. If she says she would be willing to discuss it, proceed by explaining your opinion and why you should be able to do whatever you were asking about. Then wait quietly while she explains her stand or opinion. If she changes her mind that is fine but if she sticks with the “no", accept it without saying anything or showing you are mad with body language or anything else.</p><p>Developing a “code word" to use when you begin to argue can be helpful. It doesn't matter which of you says the code word but when it is said, both of you are required to stop talking immediately. It can be a time-out hand signal like the referee in a Football game uses or just simply a word. Whatever it is, you both have to agree on it during a neutral time and then comply with the agreement. This is like a truce between the two of you. It can be a verbal agreement made or a written contract that you both sign. Giving yourself these little time outs will allow things to calm down so nobody “loses it."<br></p><p>The fact that you are concerned and want this to stop before your relationship is damaged is admirable and will be appreciated by your Mother. It's great that you are trying to work on it now. This is a skill you will be able to use throughout your life whenever you find yourself in conflict with another person.<br></p><p>Good luck with this.<br></p><p>Pat, Counselor</p></div>

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