Did He Change Or Did I?RelationshipsDid He Change Or Did I?<div class="ExternalClass34A223B043A1435A8D61A7791197F94B"><p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:"times new roman", serif;">My boyfriend's changed, and I don't know what to do about it. He used to be super sweet and caring, and would send me paragraphs about how much he loves me, and cute stuff like that, but recently he hasn't done any of that. All he really does anymore is insult me. And I know he doesn't mean what he says, but it's still super hurtful, because he's someone I really care about. I've tried talking to him about this. We got into a fight last night and I tried ending the relationship. Regarding him not saying cute/sweet things to me anymore he said "Yeah, I got out of the obsessive phase, I'd rather die than be stuck in that", he also said that I'm too attached to him. I've been giving him space since he said that. I just miss the way he used to be. I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore. When I tried breaking up with him last night he freaked out, and said I was being stupid, that it was obvious he loved me, but it really isn't. I'm sick of this, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, but I can't see myself staying with him, either. </span><br></p></div><div class="ExternalClassCCB9E735BC6B47FDBEB00CCAB15162B9"><p>We're glad you reached out. It sounds like you were very happy with your boyfriend at the beginning of the relationship, but have noticed some major changes in how he acts around you and no longer feel cared for by him. It can be so difficult to discern whether or not it is in our best interest to stay in a relationship. It sounds like you are giving this a lot of thought. Talking through the situation here is a great step to help you process your thoughts and make the decision that is best for you.</p><p>From what you have written, it sounds like your boyfriend's behaviors have become a pattern rather than an isolated incident. One thing that stands out from your email is that your boyfriend said it is obvious that he loves you, but to you, it's very unclear. Actions really do speak louder than words—he can make all kinds of statements about how he feels about you and how well he treats you, but those statements are meaningless if they are not evidenced by his actions. Only you can decide whether or not you want to stay in this relationship. If you cannot see yourself staying with him, <a href="/Pages/tip-break-ups.aspx?Topic=Break%20Ups">breaking up</a> does not have to be a mutual decision between the two of you. Ultimately you must choose what you feel is in your best interest, regardless of whether or not he is happy with your decision.</p><p>If you are thinking about staying, consider what you want to see change about the relationship. Discuss these concerns with your boyfriend, putting an emphasis how all of this is making you feel, rather than emphasizing what he is doing wrong. People tend to get defensive when the conversation is focused on their mistakes, and defensiveness will make him less likely to listen to your perspective. We have tips on <a href="/Pages/tip-Communication.aspx?Topic=Dating">communication</a> and <a href="/Pages/tip-What-If-I-Dont-Agree.aspx?Topic=Friendship">handling disagreements</a> that can help you prepare for the conversation. That being said, if you feel that breaking up is the right decision for you, you don't need to wait for things to get worse to justify ending the relationship. This tip page on <a href="/Pages/Making-Decisions.aspx?Topic=Transitioning%20to%20Adulthood">making decisions</a> can help you weigh your options and discern what is the best course of action for you.</p><p>Stay strong and feel free to reach back out for more support. Take care and remember that we're when you need us.</p><p>Annie, counselor<br></p></div>19

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