Bulletin Board Post

Suicide

Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Fight

<div class="ExternalClass04A95D6C121B4EEC906688CE5AC4E1B3">I want to die. I do everything in my power to make others happy and live up to expectations. I follow all the rules, I get good grades, I take care of my sibling and I put my boyfriend on a pedestal above myself. I want nothing more then everyone I love and care about to feel happy. But I physically can't bring myself to feel anything anymore, I pretend most of the time. I have been fighting depression for years. I was able to quit hurting myself my 8th grade year (I am now a senior) but in the last 4 months I am fighting every impulse in my head not to cut myself or just end it all. I have no idea why I feel this way or how to fix it, I have been fighting so long I don't know how much longer I can fight. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciate. Thank you. </div>

<div class="ExternalClassBC4C9D719C614E9088330ABADC8A8997"><div><div class="ExternalClass04A95D6C121B4EEC906688CE5AC4E1B3">Thank you for reaching out today. We are so glad that you are emailing in, because sitting alone with these feelings cannot be good for either your emotional or physical health. Depression can be a beast, and the fact that you have managed to not self-harm for 4 years shows that you have a strong desire and willpower to beat this. Many, many people do, and although they might have to continually treat it, or even tweak the treatment plan every so often, they manage to have happy and successful lives. It has to be very frustrating when you cannot really explain why you feel this way. Your logical side expresses how you have loving family and friends, a boyfriend, a successful academic record, a sibling who looks up to you, and a bright future ahead. Your emotional side is confused and hurting, but nothing is worth ending your life over. You are at a point in which you need additional help to pull through this. Sometimes life overwhelms us, and it feels like nothing can change or the burdens keeps piling up, however suicide fixes nothing. It is not a fix, but an end. There are other options out there that will not deny you a happy and peaceful future, and will not deny your loved ones someone very special in their lives. We do not know if you are working with a therapist or receiving any kind of treatment for this depression or not. It is not your job to pretend so that everyone else can feel at ease. That is way too much pressure for anyone. It is your job to tell your parent exactly how you feel and let them know you need help. Be very direct. Say “I want to die”. Even let them know you are afraid you might act on it. This is not a normal thought to have, and that is why it is important to get other people involved so that you can receive the help that you deserve. You are so good about caring for others, but you need to take care of you too. You are a valuable person too. You don’t have to know how to fix it, you just have to be willing to fix it, and open to expressing all of this to the adults in your life who can get you help. Okay? Keep safe, keep writing your feelings out, get your sleep, go for a long walk, give yourself a break today, and call in so that a crisis counselor can talk with you. Laura, Crisis Counselor </div></div> </div>

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