Bulletin Board Post

Relationships

Boyfriend Broke Up With Me

<div class="ExternalClassC004313FEFDA462BB3F13BAA82106718">Recently my boyfriend (who I dated for 2 years) has broken up with me and I feel really horrible about it. This may sound silly but honestly I feel like I'll never have anybody like him ever again in my life. For the past few days, I've been lacking sleep and crying a lot. I tried to call him but he told me that he was going to be busy so I had no other choice to understand. He still texts me all the time but every time I talk to him, I feel empty inside and feel like crying again. Because of this, I start to have those feelings of self-harming myself all over again (I had quit after 3 years). I wish I could tell my mom about it but she always says how people who are suicidal or self-harm themselves are cowards and how a girl shouldn't be crying over silly things like that. I wish I could also tell my college friends about it, but I don't want them to go through this at all and I have a fear they will probably tell me to "tough up" because in the past, I had an old friend back in middle school who would barely help me at all and would tell me to stop being "dramatic". I don't know what to do anymore. </div>

<div class="ExternalClassBB478F5C1CFF4B11841B9297EC7B097B"><div><div class="ExternalClassC004313FEFDA462BB3F13BAA82106718">Thank you for contacting Your Life Your Voice. It isn’t easy to reach out when you are struggling, but we are glad that you did. What you are feeling is normal for an individual that has recently ended a relationship. It is normal to go through a grieving process when relationships end; it is like a death in that regard. You have to allow yourself time to mourn the loss. We are concerned, however, that you are having thoughts of self-harm. If you feel as though you cannot keep yourself safe from self-harming, we encourage you to call our Hotline, and talk with one of our counselors. We are here to help you and want to talk with you about this. It’s important that you utilize healthy coping skills to cope with this loss. Self-harm is a negative coping skill, as this may temporarily cause a sense of relief, but it will not fix or help the underlying issue that has caused you to want to self-harm. It also can create more problems. What are some healthy ways that you can handle this situation? Have you talked to someone about how you feel? You indicate that you do not feel that your mother and/or friends will be supportive. Is there a student counseling service at your university? If so, you may want to consider making an appointment to talk with one of the counseling staff. In addition we recommend that you try some healthy coping skills to replace the negative ones that you are thinking about. This could be doing activities you enjoy, writing in a journal, listening to music, calling to talk with someone at our hotline. We will provide a link to more coping skills ideas and encourage you to check them out. It can take time to find the right coping skill for you and may not happen right away. The important thing is that you are trying new things. Here are those links: <a href="/Pages/tip-99-coping-skills.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-99-coping-skills.aspx</a> <a href="/Pages/tip-choosing-the-right-coping-skill.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-choosing-the-right-coping-skill.aspx</a> <a href="/Pages/tip-tips-for-journaling.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-tips-for-journaling.aspx</a> <a href="/Pages/tip-Emotional-Health-Checklist.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-Emotional-Health-Checklist.aspx</a> <a href="/Pages/tip-coping-skills.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-coping-skills.aspx</a>. Please keep in mind that we as individuals cannot control what other people feel. All you can do is focus on yourself and be the best person you can be. When we say focus on you what we mean is that you should do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Sometimes we feel it is others that make us happy, but this is not true. We are responsible for our own happiness. Also, if it is painful to have contact with him, then break off all contact. It will get easier as you heal, but initially the best course of action would be to keep interactions to a minimum. Unfortunately, you can't go around the pain; you have to work through it. However, on the other side of the pain there are unlimited possibilities. You will love again and will find someone who is worthy of your love. We want you to know that we are here for you. Please take care and let us know how you are doing. Nancy, counselor </div></div> </div>

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