I Want To Kill MyselfSuicideI Want To Kill Myself<div class="ExternalClass4C034DE820FB4AB1813A576D1CB63D62"><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">​<span style="">I</span><span style="font-size:12pt;"> want to kill myself. I've been cutting for years now and committing suicide has always been something I've wanted to do. Lately I've been feeling extremely depressed, it hurts to smile, and I want to end it. It feels like if I told someone they wouldn't listen or they'll think my problems are smaller than they are. Thinking this way leads me away from the things I think I love, like horseback riding and writing, because I know it'll either make me feel better or push me further to the edge. I don't know what to do. I want to kill myself. </span></span></p></div><div class="ExternalClassC4323BD6AD8841B7884494438CED63A3"><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">It's great that you are reaching out.  We do not want you to sit alone with these thoughts.  Depression can distort your thinking.  It can make you feel like no one is there for you – like you cannot imagine life any other way.  If you have never confided in anyone that you feel depressed, the time to do that is now.  </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Yes, you have confided in the hotline here, that is a good start. But, sometimes we as humans, can be really good about putting a happy face on or hiding our inner feelings with those we love.  They may have no idea how bad you are hurting on the inside.  Losing you would change life forever for your friends and loved ones. Suicide is never a good option.  It is forever.  It is permanent.  It hurts you the most as you never get the chance to feel happier. </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Do you think you could promise yourself that you will not end your life?  Could you tell a trusted adult whom you know, "I feel suicidal!"   Not any other phrase, just lay it out there for them so that they know how serious it is.   Remember, you have been feeling this way for a long time, but this would be the first time your loved ones would hear it.  No matter what the reaction, they would ultimately want to help.</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">You are using cutting as a coping strategy, but often times that can cause more pain.  It gives you only temporary relief.  It does not solve the problem.   It makes you worry about scars and about what people will say if they see the marks.  It could harm you more than you intend it to and then you are back at square one.  Getting help would also allow you to learn about and explore some other ways to cope.  There just is no shame in asking for help.  </span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Your feelings are what they are whether you feel like you have no reason so feel this way or feel many others have it worse or, or even feel like your feelings can never change.  They can and they do get better with the right support in place.  Let someone help you get back to that feeling wanting to live your life so you can't  wait to get back in the saddle or get a pen and paper in your hands to start working on your next story.</span></p><p><span class="ms-rteFontFace-1 ms-rteFontSize-3 ms-rteThemeForeColor-2-4" style="">Laura, Crisis Counselor</span></p></div>13

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