How Do I Put Him Out Of My Mind?RelationshipsHow Do I Put Him Out Of My Mind?<div class="ExternalClassE6775687674242AFA353323B6417FB73"><p>​<span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Hello. I just wanted to write about a small problem I've been having. My boyfriend broke up with me about nine months ago, and I'm still furious about what he did. I'm essentially over him, but it's as if I can't forget the things he did. I can't help but remember how rude he was, as well as selfish, controlling, and vain. He made fun of my hobbies, and was inconsiderate of my anxiety. Most of all, he tried to pressure me into sex when I wasn't ready. These thoughts still make my blood BOIL, even though our relationship has been over for a long time. Is there any way I can put him out of my mind once and for all?</span><br></p></div><div class="ExternalClassE2EE524A6400483E9E3077B42E5E41D2"><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Thank you for reaching out when you are struggling with so much from your past relationship. It sounds like you have come to terms with the end of your relationship, but now you are having a hard time letting go of the hurt that you endured. Honestly, struggling to let go of our past hurt is incredibly common; it is partially what holding a grudge entails. Just because the feeling is normal, that doesn't mean it is any easier to overcome.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Given what you went through it with this ex, it sounds like you have gotten a clear picture of what you don't want or need in a relationship. Although that doesn't tell you exactly what to look for in your next partner, it does help you in terms of moving forward; if you are able to take the perspective of learning what you don't need in a relationship by overcoming this past relationship, you might be able to move forward easier.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">At the same time that you change your perspective to focus on the learning, have you ever considered saying goodbye to the pain and hurt you endured? This sounds silly, but sometimes we have to write down (on paper or on a computer) a good bye letter to the old self who put up with that hurt in order to get that person out of our mind and move on. For a little bit of help in writing a that letter, please look at the journal pages on this link: </span><a href="/Pages/break-ups.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/break-ups.aspx</span></a><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;"> There is a great worksheet for writing a No Send Letter.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Remember that going through what you did is hard and complicated, but every day, you can work to a better version of yourself that isn't weighed down by the past. We are here with you on this journey!</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">PC – Counselor</span><br></p></div>20

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