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Trust IssuesRelationshipsTrust Issues<div class="ExternalClass8CB857CD99AF4C8AB94C4504330B403B"><p style="font-family:georgia;font-size:16px;">​<span>Hi so I'm having trust issues with my boyfriend. We've dated for 8 months broke up & now we're back together for about a month. But the reason we broke up is because one day I checked his messages and he was texting this girl he used to like. I didn't think nothing of it, until I scrolled further back and I saw them confessing that they still liked each other and they both promised to never tell me because I was her "friend". I told my best friends what I saw, I talked to my boyfriend about it and he claimed it was a joke/dare messing with her. A week goes by and my friends investigated a little bit & told me it wasn't a dare and that he seriously felt that way. I confronted him and broke up with him after he admitted that it wasn't a dare, he claims he only did it because he was angry at me for speaking to one of my guy friends one day. He called me crying and apologizing crazily one night and I took him back but this situation has never left my mind and haunts me everyday. Every time he says he loves me, I mentally say "no you love her" & its been causing me to be distanced from him. Any advice on helping me heal? ​</span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span></div><div class="ExternalClass51EB87704FC443C4BEC48BAB6A542728"><div><div class="ExternalClass8CB857CD99AF4C8AB94C4504330B403B"><p style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>We are glad you are reaching out with this problem.  Broken trust is something that needs to be proven, not healed from.  Things that need to be proven is that it was a one-time situation, and to have consistent demonstration of truth and honesty in all areas.  If you do not trust this guy, there is a reason that the hesitation exists.  It is not because you are broken and need to heal.  It is because he acted in a manner that is not worth trusting.  Lies and deceit are harmful to relationship of all kinds.  If he has not earned your trust back by telling the truth all of the time, acting in a way that says you are the only girl he is interested in at this time, and doing what he says he is going to do, then there is nothing you can do to heal that hurt.  If he is still acting in ways that tell you he is not sincere, you will continue to distance yourself from him to avoid any additional pain.  The expression ‘actions speak louder than words’ fits this situation.  If his actions and his words do not match up, you are correct in questioning the reality of his honesty.</span></p> <span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><p style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him what goes through your mind when he tells you he loves you.  Then talk about both the behaviors and what you need in order to trust him again.  If you cannot work through this now, it will only come back up in the future to cause additional problems in the future.</span><br></p> <span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><p style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Take care and stay safe!</span><br></p> <span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><p style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"><span>Karen, counselor</span></p> <span style="color:rgb(63, 63, 63);"> </span><span style="font-size:16px;"> </span> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span></div></div> </div>15

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