Thanks for emailing in. It’s normal to be a little nervous
to start a conversation with someone, because you really don’t know how they
will respond. It might help to think of this as a possible friendship for
starters. Think about what you like in a friend, and think about what
makes you want to hang out with someone. You might like hanging out
with someone who is kind to you, who shares similar interests, who makes you
feel good about yourself, who accepts you for who you are, or who is interested
in what you are doing and how you feel.
You won’t know this about someone until you get to know them a
bit. So, start little with just friendly eye contact, a smile, and a
greeting. Small talk like “Hey what are you doing your paper on?” or
“What did you this weekend?” are just little conversation starters that would
be easy. Giving a genuine compliment is always good too. People
usually like hanging out with others who make them feel good about
themselves. Maybe you already know something you have in common with
her. Whether it is being in the same club, sport, or even having a mutual
friend, these topics might be easier to start with too.
Starting out too strong with “Hey do you want to go out with
me?” could overwhelm her, and again if the two of you don’t know each other,
how would she know right? If you have a friend who already knows her,
whether it is a guy or a girl, ask him/her to introduce the two of you.
Hanging out in groups at school functions might be a good ice breaker too.
That way you have others talking and contributing to the conversations going
on, and you will not feel like you have to constantly be thinking of something
to say. Take it slow. Some of the best relationships start out as
good friendships.
Laura, Crisis Counselor
