Bulletin Board Post

Feelings

Don't Want To Be A Burden

<div class="ExternalClass160BF67AE4F447759038F1C9FE8CCF79">Hi, I've had problems reaching for help in the past and have tried to repress my mental health problems because I don't want to be a burden. I understand that that isn't healthy and that in the end I probably hurt myself and the people around me more because of it. I'm depressed (self-diagnosed, but I don't think there is anyway it could be incorrect). I am unmotivated, I feel sad and angry at myself, all of the people around me, and the world as a whole almost every day. I was raped at a young age and it's manifested itself in a lot of ways in my mind even though I am now able to talk about it pretty freely. I lie a lot and I think that it may also have stemmed from that. I don't trust my family or my parents with my mental problems. This is because our relationship depends on me meeting always their expectations. One of these expectations, initially expressed as their sense of pride in me, is that I am a happy adolescent, and that I am independent and make parenting easy on them. Recently, I've had problems with my body image, have woken up clawing myself, sometimes producing blood, and have desires to further this self harm. While I am not suicidal, I've thought about it extensively and have come to the conclusion that if I didn't think it would hurt other people and I were brave enough, I would kill myself. I know I should ask my parents for a therapist, but I don't know how I could bear telling them their image of me was false. Advice would be great. </div>

<div class="ExternalClass8E834F97ABFF4E0DBF0FC44D5D337A92"><div><div class="ExternalClass160BF67AE4F447759038F1C9FE8CCF79">We are glad that you thought to write into Your Life Your Voice, because sitting alone with negative thoughts sometimes escalates into bigger emotional problems. Being able to release these thoughts in a healthy way can bring a lot of relief to you. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of pressure and have had some traumatic experiences in your life. It can feel very lonely when you don’t feel you can be honest and open about how you are feeling. We are concerned for you as you do have thoughts of suicide and practice self-harm. It’s important you acknowledge your strengths and good qualities. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself. Even though you feel you are expected to always be happy and easy going, you don’t have to be. You seem like a very smart and self-aware person, please know it is okay to not be okay. While your parents may be surprised that you aren’t as happy as you appear, you should give them the opportunity to provide support to you. If you are not sure what to say, you could print the email that you sent to us and show it to them. Seeing a therapist could be very beneficial for you to help you overcome this period in your life and work on utilizing your positive coping skills. It is not easy to overcome such traumatic events on your own. You are not a burden. You deserve to let those who care for you to support you. Self-harm of any kind is a negative coping skill. Even though it brings short term relief, you do not need to hurt yourself to find relief. If you ever have thoughts of suicide or feel unsafe, it is important to get help by talking with someone you trust or calling us here at the Hotline. If you are in need of immediate help please call 9-1-1. We want to be a support for you. Stay safe! Sincerely, Brittany, Counselor </div></div> </div>

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