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I Need To Be PerfectFeelingsI Need To Be Perfect<div class="ExternalClass89C324A615DF4FCBB30456D05EEF1B71"><p style="font-family:georgia;font-size:16px;">​<span>I go to a counseling group at my college and last week I talked about my life and the feedback I got was that I strive for perfection, I thought I got over that part of my life. But I've been thinking about why I still strive for that. I strive for perfection and I need to be perfect because if I'm perfect then nothing can hurt me and I never do anything wrong so I will never get hurt. That's obviously not true but I still feel bad because I'm not perfect. I learned that I'm still my worst critic but that's because I've gone through so much. But if I am perfect then I never have to feel pain, I never get hurt, and I never hurt others- I'm perfect and I'll be happy. I understand that that's not realistic but I get hurt so much that my need for perfection is coming back full force. I think if I'm not perfect and I make mistakes then I'm worthless.  ​</span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span></div><div class="ExternalClass86DD8331F53C44178A15DCFAED6643F3"><div><div class="ExternalClass89C324A615DF4FCBB30456D05EEF1B71"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>We are glad you reached out for support.  You did a great job expressing your feelings about how you feel you feel that you need to be perfect to feel safe so no one can hurt you.  We are reading between the lines of your email and are gathering that you feel tired of trying to fill these expectations of yourself and it is becoming too consuming to keep up with your idea of perfection.  Logically it makes sense that if you make no mistakes or live a certain way you will be safe.  But, realistically that is very difficult to keep up with and also how do you know what is perfect and how can you know how your life will go in the future?  </span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>It sounds like it may be difficult for you to relax and allow yourself to just be yourself.  That must be tiring and difficult to keep up with.  At the same time, it seems to create a safety within yourself that you have the ability to control your world.  You may have gotten messages along the way to be perfect or you may have been hurt by experiences and don’t ever want to feel that pain ever again.  Please consider getting professional help with whatever is the root cause of your feelings.</span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Whatever you have been through, being human means you won’t be perfect.  Having imperfections and possibly making mistakes is very normal.  Also, you won’t always get hurt if you allow yourself to relax and trust yourself.  You deserve to feel safe and to know that you are fine the way you are without trying so hard to strive for perfection.</span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Feeling safe and content in yourself and knowing you are going to be ok and you can handle anything that comes your way and still have peace inside is your goal.  Striving for perfection keeps you searching and trying to get to something.  That is tiring and an endless search.  Getting support is a great idea along with possible counseling.  This will all help you to get more understanding and give you options on how to feel more content.</span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>It is great you are being so honest and talking about your feelings.  The transparency can help you to process your feelings and to work through whatever you may be facing.  No matter what that inner voice is telling you, you are not worthless if you are not perfect.  You are a beautiful caring person who is human and sometimes will make mistakes and it is okay. </span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>We will be here anytime you need someone to talk to.  We also have resources if you need to find additional help in your area.</span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>We hope you can reach out again to speak with one of our counselors, </span></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Take care,</span><br></p> <span style="font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:16px;"><span>Anne, </span><span>Counselor</span><span> </span></p> <span 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