Bulletin Board Post

Feelings

Trying To Fake A Smile

<div class="ExternalClass65154162090F484A93F13411B3B180DC">I am struggling with mostly trying to fake a smile. I smile so much, but really it's to hide my pain. I fear my family will be disappointed, and all I want Is for them to be happy. I met this person online, and I don't know, they changed my life for the best and worst, and it's like I'm stuck in a nightmare with this person. My family wonders often about me. I eat unhealthy, I cry, sometimes I cut, I guess I shouldn't be doing that. I'm just I'm so tired of my life and living. I was pulled over by my internet friend, I confessed too much, to the point where, the police came and I was sent straight to the hospital. I know lying is a sin, but my mom was so disappointed, that when they asked about my depression I blankly told them no. They told me my mom was always going to be there for me. She never was. The only things that keeps me up and running is suicide audios. I know that I'm not the only girl who's struggling, and I don't want to feel like I'm asking for attention from everyone. Just I can't talk to anyone anymore. My world's crumbling. I'm breaking. I've tried the National Suicide Hotline, but I hung up, because I was so upset, they couldn't understand me. Thank you for listening. </div>

<div class="ExternalClass4115FFD04AC343D99AD0F7903023535F"><div><div class="ExternalClass65154162090F484A93F13411B3B180DC">We are glad that you gave reaching out for help another chance. You can talk to us in many different formats: text, chat, email and on the phone, whichever you feel most comfortable with at the time. It sounds like you have really been struggling with thoughts of suicide and feeling like you cannot truly open up to those who can help. While you mentioned a friend tried to get you help, it sounds like when the moment of truth came you kept your pain a secret to avoid the possibility of disappointing your mom. Explaining to your parent the interworkings and deep thoughts of your brain can be terrifying, nerve-racking, and it is often believed that a parent will not care or that they will wipe it under the rug. A lot of times the fact is that parents are just as scared and they do not always know what to do. They want their kid to be healthy and so sometimes it comes off as a “brush off” as they quietly try to figure out what to do. There could definitely be a better way of handling this, but the same can be said for your side of the story. It is hard to open up to anyone about depression or suicidal thoughts, but really the only way to get the help that you need is to be honest. You have been open with us and now we have the chance to support you and we really hope you continue to reach out to us for that support. The one person’s happiness that you should concern yourself with is your own. You want your family to be happy, but it is a good guess that they too want you to be happy. It is like a bike tire, and each family member is a spoke. If one spoke is bent the wheel wobbles. When you are all communicating and supporting each other is when the wheel spins the best. Allow your family to help you with the bent spoke, give your mom another chance to be there for you. They can only fully be there for you if you are fully honest with them. It may take some time to get to that point, but that kind of love and support is worth it. In the meantime, we encourage you to focus on your health in all aspects: food, sleep, coping skills, social supports, etc. A person functions best when they feel their strengths. Use the positive strengths you have to build yourself up. We urge you to reach out if you cannot be safe. Please know we are always available to talk. Take care and good luck. Sincerely, MH, counselor </div></div> </div>

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