| I've Been So Terrible To My Parents | Family | I've Been So Terrible To My Parents | <div class="ExternalClassF1B7044F222C4EB89C1A7E4BF2EC8BE9"><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">The past maybe 8
months, I have been so terrible to my parents. I have been misbehaving and
stressing them out so much, I have been pushing and pushing, and I'm scared
someone will snap soon. I really don't mean to do any of this and I truly feel
terrible, but I used to lie a lot so they don't believe me when I say I'm
sorry, and most of the time after I say sorry I will do something wrong again.
My parent make assumptions about the way I think towards everyone in the
household, and I never think any of the things they say. I tell them this but
they just shut me down and say that that is how I am coming across. They
continuously ask me why I continue to act so terrible and why I continue to
push. I never know what to say because I don't know myself. I am struggling
internally every day because I don't know what is going to happen. I am also
going through a phase where I feel so sad every day. I think I have some sort
of depression and anxiety thing going on, I have told my parents this but they
say that that is not an excuse for all of my behavior. I'm constantly scared
of coming home and messing up, I have told one of my friends and they said I
could go to her house for a few nights. I have almost done this on so many
occasions but never do. I feel like maybe I should just for a bit so that
everyone gets some space and we can all just have some time away from each
other. But I really don't know and I need help, please. </span><br></p></div> | <div class="ExternalClass3A91D71402BE4461BD0AF89E9776EFE4"><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">We are so glad you reached out to us. It sounds like you feel very stuck in some of these patterns of behavior and want to make changes, but aren't quite sure how. It seems your parents have grown very used to these kinds of behaviors and are now reluctant to believe that you want to change, which must be so painful for you. It is so great that you are asking for help—this is a sign of your strength and the first step towards learning to change. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">We are wondering what sorts of situations and emotions you find yourself having right before you start to misbehave. Identifying these "warning signs" can help you make a plan for better ways to respond to these feelings and situations in the future. These warning signs can involve several different experiences: emotions (starting to feel angry, upset, anxious, depressed, etc.), physical warning signs (feeling your shoulders tense, your heart racing, sweaty palms, etc.), or situations (dinnertime, getting talked to by mom or dad, etc.) Write out a list of your emotional, physical, and situational warning signs. Next to this list, write the behaviors that normally follow these warning signs, and next to those, brainstorm some ideas for better ways to respond when these warning signs occur.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Come up with a plan for yourself as to how you will respond in these new ways. If you are finding that a lot of your warning signs involve strong emotions that make it difficult to stop yourself from acting out, think of some ways you can stay calm in those moments where you feel those emotions starting to surface. This could include things such as taking five deep breaths before responding, tensing and relaxing all your muscles before responding, or even telling whoever you're with, "I need a minute to calm down," and then walking away for a few moments. You can show your parents the plan you have created for yourself so that they know you are trying to improve, and so they can understand the methods you are using to help yourself calm down. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Another thing that may be helpful is to write your parents an honest letter about how you feel and how you want to change. You could even show them this email you sent us. Since it sounds like they are having a hard time believing that you want help, this could give them a greater insight to how you are really thinking and feeling. It may be beneficial to also reach out to a trusted adult in your life who may be supportive, such as your school counselor, a teacher, family friend or relative. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Here are some additional tip pages that you might find helpful on managing difficult emotions and taking control of your responses:</span></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-4-ways-to-manage-your-anger.aspx?Topic=Anger"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-4-ways-to-manage-your-anger.aspx?Topic=Anger</span></a></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-triggers.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-triggers.aspx</span></a></p><p><a href="/Pages/tip-managing-your-triggers.aspx"><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-managing-your-triggers.aspx</span></a></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">You can continue to email us, but you can also reach out through text or chat at the hours listed below, or by phone 24/7 at 1-800-448-3000 for more immediate help. Know that we are here for support—you are not alone in this!</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Take care,</span></p><p><span style="font-family:tahoma;font-size:17.3333px;">Annie, counselor</span><br></p></div> | 13 | | |
