Bulletin Board Post

Family

How Do I Forgive My Dad?

<div class="ExternalClassA57A936CEFFC4758BF71ADF327EF544E">My mom and dad got divorced because my dad cheated and I hate going to his house every other weekend how do I learn to forgive my dad and not hold a grudge against him? </div>

<div class="ExternalClass5559F33952A047E794A2FCB47A3E9451"><div><div class="ExternalClassA57A936CEFFC4758BF71ADF327EF544E">You going through a difficult time, and it is normal to feel a variety of feelings including anger, fear, confusion, sadness, stress, shame, and guilt. It is important for you to understand that these feelings are normal, but it is also important to do a reality check to make sure that the feelings that you are having are legitimate. It is also critical that you do not let these feelings overwhelm you, and to find outlets for dealing with these feelings. You are very angry with your father because you feel that his actions caused the dissolution of the marriage and major changes in the family structure. However, the marriage issue is between your mother and your father. Hopefully, your parents are not putting you in the middle of their problems, and that they keep their personal problems separate from issues related to the children in the family. Even though it is difficult to maintain objectivity, the best thing that you can do for all involved is to stay out of their personal issues. If you feel that there are issues specific to your relationship with your father, that is another story. One thing that you can do is to talk to him about how you are feeling. If you decide to talk to him, try to focus on how you are feeling, and not what someone else is telling you about what happened. If you do not feel that you can comfortably talk to him, then you may want to ask to talk to him with a family therapist. The therapist will not only help you identify issues that are causing you to feel upset, but can also help to repair the relationship between you and your dad. It may take some time to rebuild the relationship, but also remember the very positive times that you had in the past with your dad. Unfortunately you cannot control what is going on with your parents, so there is an element of powerlessness you may be feeling. The power you do have, is your response to the situation. It is very important to take care of your physical and mental health. It is imperative to continue talking and finding ways, even new ways to express your feelings. Physical exercise, art, music, dance, or any other hobbies are good. Be sure to eat regular and healthy meals, exercise often, and get plenty of rest. You can also talk with other family members, your school counselor, or other trusted adults about how you are feeling. It is important that you have a support system in place to help you during this difficult time. Although it may be difficult, try to refrain from taking sides. It is very stressful when parents try to put the kids in the middle of their relationship, and it is also unfair to you. Try to establish clear boundaries with each parent that unless there is a major health/safety issue, you will not discuss what goes on when you are with the other parent, aside from providing basic information about your visit. What you want to avoid is being the middle person if the relationship is getting negative. Attached are two links that you also may find helpful about coping with divorce: <a href="/Pages/tip-coping-with-parents-divorce.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-coping-with-parents-divorce.aspx</a> <a href="/Pages/tip-divorce.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-divorce.aspx</a> Take care and please let us know how you are doing. We are here for you. Nancy, counselor </div></div> </div>

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