Bulletin Board Post

Family

In A World Of Trouble With My Parents

<div class="ExternalClass0BAA1382BD714BDD8E8F99FDC51FC8B1">I am really struggling. And I need help. I snuck out to hangout with my boyfriend multiple times. I got in trouble for it. I got my phone taken away but use other people's phones and my ipod so I could talk to him. I am in a world of trouble with my parents and they pretty much hate me and can't trust me at all, which is completely understandable. I am lost and I have to fix it but I need help. I need a way that I can fix things with my parents and be able to have my boyfriend. He is so beyond important to me, I am not just a stupid love struck teenager. Right now I just need someone to help me figure out what to do, not just some ridiculous advice that doesn't work.</div>

<div class="ExternalClassA4CA25D2FA104929A7E9B3DCEC088129">Yes, this does sound like a situation where you are suffering some consequences for violating boundaries, and trust. Trust is not something that can get fixed quickly. Trust evolves over time, one step at a time. It does not sound like you are the only one who has lost something here. Your parents have been hurt, and your boyfriend has been impacted as well. When we put our agenda ahead of the trust others have in us, we have to live with the consequences. In the instance you described, you got the benefit of seeing your boyfriend when you snuck out to be with your boyfriend. The question now is, was the sneaking around worth it? Showing your parents that you have accepted the consequences, are moving forward, and thinking twice before taking trust so lightly will help accelerate the trust factor again. When you keep looking for options to fix things with your parents and be able to still see your boyfriend, you might be jeopardizing the trust that you are trying to earn. Instead of trying to think of ways to manipulate the situation so you can have both their trust and your boyfriend, consider talking to your parents about their views. Find out from them why they don't want you to see your boyfriend. Perhaps they don't dislike him but rather they dislike your behavior when you are in a relationship with him. This would be understandable since you have admitted to sneaking out several times to see him, thus undermining their authority in your life. Or perhaps there is a reason that they do not like your boyfriend's character. Whatever the case might be you will not know the facts until you are able to calmly talk through the situation with them. We have some pointers on how to get this conversation started: <a href="/Pages/tip-how-to-talk-to-parents.aspx">http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/v2/Pages/tip-how-to-talk-to-parents.aspx</a> Let us know how your talk goes. Sincerely, Larry – Counselor </div>

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