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TIP: Talking to Your Parents About Their Divorce


It may be difficult to talk to your parents in general, so talking to them about their divorce can be a challenge.  There are three big reasons you'll want to talk to your parents about the divorce: so you can ask questions, tell your parents how you feel, and make some requests.

See if you can set up a family meeting somehow.  If your parents can't be in the same room together, plan to talk to one at a time then.  Getting divorced doesn't mean they aren't parents anymore, and you deserve time to talk to them.  They're probably hoping or expecting you to talk to them about what's happening anyway.

Ask Questions.  It Will Put Your Brain at Ease

  • "Why are you getting divorced?" 
  • "Is there something I did wrong?"
  • "Who will I live with?  Is that ever going to change, can it change later on? "
  •  "So is one of you is moving out, or do we all have to move?  When and where?"
  • "Am I going to be able to spend time with both of you after this?"
  • "Are we all ever going to be together at one time? What about holidays and school activities?" 
  •  "How is this going to affect our finances?  Are we going to be poor?"
  • "How long is it going to take to get everything finalized?"

There Are Things You Might Want to Tell Them...

  • "I want both of you to be there for me and be a part of my life."
  • "I refuse to choose sides.  This divorce is between you guys."
  • "I don't want to be a messenger.  If you have something to say to each other, pick up the phone and talk."
  • "I am not a spy.  Don't ask me to snoop or tattle to you about the other."
  • "Be civil, and don't fight – especially when you're around me."
  •  "If you don't have anything nice to say about each other, don't say anything to me at all."
  • "I don't want to be your therapist.  If you want to vent about each other, get a counselor."

 

Tell Them How You Feel.

It's important to let your parents know how you feel.  Sometimes parents are so focused on rebuilding their own lives that they don't realize how their kids worry.  That's why it's important to tell them what's on your mind.  The only way they can help is if they understand what you are thinking and feeling.

You don't have to face your problems alone! Counselors are standing by.

4 Ways to Get Help