It can be really hard to know how to respond if your friend tells you that they are being abused or if you suspect that they are being abused. Try these steps if you feel your friend is in danger:
Listen. If your friend tells you about something going on in their life, listen carefully. Do not feel the need to have the answer or to make things better. Focus on your friend and what they are saying, put away any distractions. Listen with an open heart, be careful not to show judgment for your friend’s situation.
Believe your friend. Unless you see it happening, it will be impossible to know if your friend is being abused or not. If a friend tells you they are being abused, the most important thing to do is to believe them. It is not your responsibility to figure out whether the abuse is occurring or not.
Recognize and accept their feelings. When facing an abusive situation your friend is likely to have many emotions. All their emotions are valid. They may have anger, resentment, and love for the person hurting them all at the same time. Refrain from telling your friend how they should or shouldn’t feel about their situation.
Avoid blaming. Supporting someone who is facing abuse can feel uncomfortable. When trying to understand why a situation is happening, some people, even though they mean well, give unhelpful advice that can make the other person feel like they are responsible for the abuse that is happening to them. Be mindful of your reactions and keep your responses neutral.
Run it by an adult. If a friend tells you they are being abused, it is important to find an adult you and your friend can talk to. If this suggestion makes your friend nervous, validate that. Also tell them that you’re so worried about them, that you don’t think you can handle it without any additional help. Sometimes parents are good people to turn to, as are teachers and school counselors. You can also always contact us at the Boys Town National Hotline (800-448-3000).
Do not confront the abuser. Although you may want to sweep in and stop someone from hurting your friend, this is probably not realistic or safe to do on your own. Therefore, try to get your friend to talk about the abuse with the right person. Point them towards trustworthy adults. If you are worried your friend may be hurt very soon, call Child Protective Services or 911. Calling authorities may result in people coming and checking on the safety of your friend and their family, but it is not guaranteed. It’s another step you can take if you are worried about your friend.
Be a good friend. Lots of adults can help abused kids, but none of them can replace a friend. If your friend has a lot of adults working with them and their family, the best thing you can do is be there for your friend, ask them how they’re doing, redirect them to other sources of help when they need it. Do not put conditions on your support or limit your friend from talking about their situation. If your friend seems to need extra help processing what is happening to them, ask a trusted adult to help support them.
Keep things as normal as possible. Include your friend in regular activities whenever possible. Talk to your friend about other things besides the abuse they are facing. Be understanding if your friend is having a rough day or is not able to be there for you as much as you would like them to be. Help your friend to feel accepted and cared for. Be kind.
Simply being a friend is the main role you play, and it’s a really important one.
Again, if you’re just not sure exactly what you should do,
give us a call. We’re always here if you need us!
