Worrisome Friends 

Friends are great, especially when you’re a teenager.  There’s absolutely nothing like the naïve whimsy and fury of a teenaged kid.  If you could find a way to bottle that kind of youthful zeal, you’d make a million bucks.  That’s why it’s so unnerving when you become aware of a friend who is suffering. 

You may notice that your buddy is getting thinner and thinner, or maybe they’re wearing suspiciously long-sleeved shirts in the summer, or they’re not functioning as well as they used to.  Or, your friend might make an outright confession to you about something very grave: “My dad just about broke my nose last night.  But don’t tell anyone—he’ll kill me.”  “Man.  If I died, nobody’d notice.”

These kinds of things can scare the crud out of you!  Worst of all, what can a teenager do for another teenaged friend?  You can’t make a doctor’s appointment for them or beat up their enemies.  You end up feeling kinda helpless and overwhelmed by what you find out.

Here are some general tips on what to do when you know a friend needs help:

• Don’t freak out if they tell you something serious, no matter how much it shocks or repulses you.  Stay calm.
  
• Talk to your friend about your concerns.  Be honest about why you’re worrying.  Be pleasant, but be firm.
  
• If your friend won’t acknowledge they have a problem, don’t push it.  Don’t get into an argument with them.  Just ask them to consider what you’re saying.
  
• Listen.  Don’t judge.  Don’t tell them they’re being stupid or that their problem isn’t a big deal.
  
• Learn about what’s causing your friend to suffer.  Whether it be an eating disorder, teen pregnancy, or dating abuse, a little education can’t hurt when you’re trying to help.
  
• Compliment them.  Point out the good things about them.
  
• Keep reminding them that there is hope.
  
• Practice what you preach!  (If you’re concerned your friend is becoming an alcoholic, don’t take them to a party and drink beer with them.)
  
• Make sure they know you’ll be there for them.
  
•  Support the heck out of them.  Tell them you’ll go with them to see a doctor, talk to a counselor, etc.
  
• Keep them included.  Ask them to go places with you.  Even if they say no, keep asking every so often.  (Don’t pressure them, though.)
  
• If they say something about hurting themselves or someone else, get the details and sound the alert!  Ask them how serious they are and if they’ve got a plan.  Then…
  
• Tell someone!  You’re not a rat when you tell another adult that your friend is in some kind of trouble.  An adult can get your friend the right kind of help, so tell your parents or a school counselor right away.

One last thing… take care of yourself, too.  You can’t control the choices your friends make, so focus on the few things you can do to help.  If you start noticing that you’re becoming sad or stressed because of your friend, you may need to find better ways to cope with the situation.

Taking these tips into account will hopefully help you get your friend back in the saddle!