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“My Life My Voice” for iPhone

Journal about your moods anytime to reduce stress, clarify thought, and solve problems.

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What Do You Want in a Relationship?
  What’s Most Important to You in a Relationship?

          In our recent poll on Your Life Your Voice, nearly 1000 people responded and the results weren’t surprising.  The overwhelming characteristics of a good relationship were honesty, respect, and kindness.  Here is the breakdown:

Characteristic

Number Responding

Percentage of Importance

Honesty

454

45%

Kindness/Respect

439

40%

Common Interests

44

4%

Sense of Humor

38

3.8%

Looks

15

1.5%

            Common interests, sense of humor, and beauty are the characteristics that attract us to a person in the beginning, but real relationships require a much deeper bond.  Making a real connection with someone requires us to develop faith in what they are as a person and in building that faith we begin to reveal who we truly are beneath the surface.

            In a romantic relationship, our partner often sees a side of us that no one else is capable of seeing.  They see our weaknesses, our strengths, the things we are ashamed of, and the pieces of our heart that we take the most pride in.  This is why a healthy romantic relationship takes time.  It takes time and effort to really push one’s self to be open and to build enough trust to know that this boyfriend or girlfriend is going to love me even if I’m not perfect.

          These numbers are extremely revealing.  They don’t say “This is what I want from my partner” the numbers say “This is what I need from my partner.”  Imagine trying to open up to a person who isn’t even nice to you!  Imagine trying to talk to a person who doesn’t even respect you!  You simply cannot do it, and if you choose to anyway, you probably know deep down that you’re being foolish.

          Most powerfully, this poll reveals something fundamental about our human condition.  The numbers show us that one of the most difficult things about this life is faith.  Not faith in any kind of religious sense, but faith that what your partner is giving you is real.  We can’t see into a person’s mind, into their heart, into their past, or into their motives.  When we’re in a relationship we’re given tons of information and we have to make a decision in every moment to believe.  Honesty in a relationship is fundamental because without it, there is no relationship.  Without honesty there is no depth, there is no openness, there is no trust, and ultimately there is no substance. 

          If you allow yourself to fall in love with shadows, you will always feel cold.

Honesty Top 5

1      1. Being honest doesn’t mean spilling everything right away, it takes time.

2     2. Be honest with your partner the way you would want them to be honest with you.

3     3. Being honest doesn’t just mean telling the truth, it’s more important to be “real.”

4     4. Relationships are a two way street, they require both people to make an effort.

5     5. Always stand up for yourself. In standing up for yourself, you stand up for the  effort and the honesty that you’ve put forth already.  Accepting dishonesty is in itself dishonest.