Energizing vs. Draining Friends

Good friends are hard to find.  Take a minute to think about your best friend……… What are the qualities they have that make them a good friend?  Do they listen to you?  Can you count on them in a pinch?  Do they encourage you to do the “right” thing?  Are they honest with you?  Do you talk about things when you have a disagreement? 

If you answered yes to all of the questions above, you’re off to a good start. However, these are only some of the qualities you should look for in a friend.  For those of you that can’t say that your best friend does all these things, maybe it’s time to start re-evaluating what types of people you are hanging out with. 

As a teen, you probably spend most of your time with friends.  Some even refer to friends as our “family of choice.”  When your family is bugging you, you may even feel like you would rather be with your friends.  Let’s take a look at these friends that you are spending so much time with. 

Ask yourself a big question……Are your friends energizing, or draining you?  Take some time to really be honest with yourself about how you answer that.  How do you feel after you hang out with your friends?  Do you feel like there is always drama going on, or like you are always trying to solve an argument?  Do you notice you always make bad choices when hanging out with certain friends.  Maybe you’re not sure what effect your friends are really having on you. 

Try this:  First, sit down in a quiet place with only a piece of paper and pen/pencil.  Next, write each of your friends’ names on the piece of paper.  Write down each of your friends’ general morals/values/beliefs.  Then decide if these beliefs/values are energizing or draining to you. Write draining or energizing next to their name.  Take a few minutes when you’re done to look at your list. 

What do you notice?  Are most of the people on your list draining?  How much time are you spending with these draining people?   If you are spending a majority of your time with draining people, it doesn’t mean you need to ditch all your friends and get new ones.  Just be a little more cautious about how much time you spend with them, and realize what type of person you turn into when you’re with them.  How do they influence you?  This is the first step in beginning to make positive relationships.