Distorted Thinking
Imagine that you are driving. You’re on a street you are very familiar with, there are lots of other cars around you, and you’re on your way to school. It seems like a pretty normal day where nothing is really odd or out of place except for one vital issue-- you start seeing green lights as red and red lights as green.
Now take it a step further and imagine the consequences of a change like this. You come to your first light and people are honking and screaming at you to “STOP!” and you have no idea why. You come to the next intersection and everyone is just sitting there watching green lights. You’re yelling at these people to “GO!” and they’re looking at you like you’re crazy. You’re frustrated and angry because people are yelling at you for nothing, and you’re yelling at everyone around you for making you late for school. You have no idea what’s making this morning so terrible and decide to get to school as fast as possible without stopping for anything. As you would predict… BAM! Your car is totaled.
This is the essence of distorted thinking. When you see reality through distorted eyes, it can have a major affect on your emotions and on your ability to interact with people. How many times have you heard your parents or a teacher yell “STOP!” like you’re acting crazy? How many times have you been frustrated with someone’s behavior because they just don’t seem to get it? All this distortion is emotionally exhausting and causes us to butt heads with people we would otherwise love to be around. In the end there’s almost always some kind of crash.
Now bring this experience into the teen world. You failed a test and are positive that you have blown all chances at getting into the college of your choice. You have a zit on your face and are certain that’s all anybody is talking about at school that day. You are a half hour late coming home on Saturday night and it’s your parents’ fault that they were concerned about you. The guy/girl that you have had a crush on for months likes your best friend and you are sure you will never love again.
The various forms of distorted thinking that you experience in your daily life can add up to an environment full of chaos and unhappiness. Friends get frustrated with each other. Parents & kids treat each other like they are crazy. Distorted thoughts are all a part of the maturing process, but there are things we can do about them:
- First, we begin by identifying how our thoughts are distorted. (“My crush likes my best friend—I will never love or be loved again.”)
- Second, we figure out how we are feeling and what our thought should be if we were thinking clearly (“OK, I am disappointed and it hurts, but that doesn’t mean that someone better isn’t gonna come along soon.”)
- Third, we problem solve and find a solution that brings reality into focus (“That didn’t work out this time, so I guess I need to be open to other possibilities—maybe I should talk to that new guy/girl in my class.”)
- Finally we make the whole process a lifelong habit. (When disappointments come along, it’s NOT the end of the world. Remember… what’s important now may not be nearly as big of a deal in a few weeks.)
“Fixing” distorted thoughts isn’t like solving math problems; they don’t have only one answer. Distorted thinking is a lifelong challenge for all human beings. It’s during the teenage years that they are the most powerful and easily the most frustrating. So train yourself to look realistically at what is going on, get in touch with your true feelings, and come up with realistic expectations in order to help keep you on track!