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Edited: 10/6/2009 11:53 AM by
Being Born Had to Be a Mistake
I'll be 18 in 3 months and i wanted to move out of my parents house but it doesn't seem like it'll be possible. My dad had to remind me the other day that he cant wait to throw me out when i turn 18, he's been threatening to kick me out since i was 14.
 
I was suppose to go to college in another state but i dont know what happened but i decided to start here in a 2 yr college it was the worst mistake ever. My parents never let me do what i wanted to do, and never let go where i wanted to go.
 
All i say never seem to matter cause they're older than me, and the choices they make for me always seem to destroy me. I have no privacy, my mom calls me 100 times if i stay out 5mns late after school, and she checks my phone all the times and always ask me who im talking to. they always told me the only friends i should have is them, but i never saw them that way cause they just say it and never seem to care, I hate to say it but i was depressed for 2 years and they never noticed. Growing up was hard with constant fighting with them. overtime, i stopped fighting with them and became careless. I never do anything right for them. I always used to say i hate my dad cause all he do is yell at me and treat me like trash but i like my mom, but that changed couple months ago when she turned her back on me.
 
So yeah i feel like a failure. All the good people in my life always leave. I hate myself for being me, i wish i was dead so many times that it seems like i'll never die. Being born had to be a mistake.
Edited: 10/6/2009 9:06 AM by
You being born was not a mistake, you are here for a reason! 

When you say that you feel like you want to die, does that mean that you also have thoughts of suicide?  

Unfortunately, it is common for parents to not know when their children are depressed or even suicidal.  Some kids and adults as well, look perfectly normal on the outside, but inside are crying out for help.  Try telling them again that you are feeling depressed, maybe you can write your feelings in a letter to them.

Would you be willing to talk to a professional?  If you have been depressed for over 2 years, meeting with a therapist might be an important step in helping you to feel better.  Talking to a therapist can eventually help you approach your parents with less arguing and with more confidence.  Maybe your parents would agree to come with you when you are ready.  Your college may have a counseling center.  If not, we can help you find one in your local area.  
 
In the meantime, what can you do for YOU?  What goals do you have each day, for next month, 6 months from now?  Sometimes when you are feeling bad it helps to have a purpose, something to focus on.  Are there things in your life that you are thankful for each day?  Do you ever journal about how you are feeling?  You might want to take a look at the journal pages on our website to help sort through things that are going on in your life--kind of a self help instead of an actual therapist!
 
Don't give up.  You may not know your purpose now, but it will become clear to you one day.  It's worth the wait.

CJ-Counselor