Thanks so much for taking the time to send us an email today. We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, we can only imagine how difficult her loss must be for you. Grief is a complicated process. Right now you might feel a range of emotions; from denial to depression, it is extremely normal to feel a mix of emotions. At the same time, it is okay to want to accept what happened and move forward. We know you cared about your mom so much, not having her around must feel like such a big change. We are so happy that you opened up to us about what you are going through. Bottling feelings up inside just brings a person down. Leaning on others for support can help you stay on your feet, even when you don't think it is possible.

First, here is a link from our website detailing grief. It can give you some insight into what you are going through...check it out: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/DiscoverIt/Articles/Pages/DealingWithGrief.aspx.

Everybody copes with grief in different ways. It almost sounds like your dad has become a different person since your mom passed. It also sounds like he cared about her very much...having spent so much time in the hospital with her that he lost his job. Remember, this is a difficult time for your father as well. He might be trying to cope as best as he knows how. In the movie "Must Love Dogs" an adult woman confronts her father who has begun to date and dance with a lot of different women since his wife (and her mother) passed away. The dad explains his actions by saying, "I’ve had the love of my life. Now I’m just tap dancing. If I dance fast enough, perhaps I won’t remember what I’ve lost." The way that he chose to cope with the loss of his wife was different than the way his daughter was coping with it. At the same time, both of them were hurting.

Instead of avoiding your dad, try to talk to him. Let him know how you are feeling. At the same time, express your respect and understanding of his feelings as well. The only way you will know what he is thinking or how he is feeling is by talking to him about. If you don't feel like talking face to face will be very effective, then please open up by writing him a letter. Writing a letter is a good idea because it allows you to get all of your feelings and thoughts down on paper. At the same time, you can rewrite the letter again and again until you get it just right. It also gives your dad the chance to read it a couple of times to understand and make sense of it all. When writing the letter do the same as you would if you were talking to him; avoid blaming him, arguing, writing in an emotional tone, or using sarcasm. Express the desire to improve the relationship with him.

If you feel like you can't go to your dad or sister for support right now, please don't just shut yourself off from others entirely. Having support and encouragement is so important, especially when you are going through a difficult time. Friends, adult role models, friends' parents, other relatives, and former teachers/coaches are all amazing people who you can turn to when you need support. Isolating yourself just makes a person feel lonely and brings them down...don't do that to yourself. You are just as important as everybody else.

You are doing an amazing thing by opening up, you really are. That shows a ton of bravery and strength, amazing traits that not everybody has. We are always just a phone call away when you need somebody to talk to. Let us know how things are going, whether it is through email or over the phone...whatever is most comfortable for you!

Stay strong,

Abe, Counselor