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Hotline Discusion:Never Dad's Fault :QuestionAnswerUse SHIFT+ENTER to open the menu (new window).Open MenuOpen Menu
Edited: 7/15/2011 9:41 AM by
Never Dad's Fault
My parents are divorced, but we are still staying together. It's really hard to deal with my dad since he always tells me it's my mothers fault that she broke up the family. He keeps on saying that it was never his fault, and he keeps insulting about my mom's family when I'm going over to their house. I just don't know what to do anymore, but to hide in the room that I'm sharing with my mom.
 
I tired talking to him, but it seems like he doesn't want to take blame at all. He is home most of the time since he doesn't work anymore cause he wants to relax. Money problems are a big issue since my parents now split. I hear him yelling about he doesn't have money to pay his bills. He has money to go to bars and get drunk. He comes home really late, and I suspect one of his friends who I really don't like is making him think it's all my moms fault.
 
I feel bad I really don't know what to do anymore. Please help me. I feel trapped.
Edited: 7/15/2011 9:42 AM by

We are so sorry to hear that you feel so trapped. Your parents issues and failure to seek help have unfortunately rained down on you.  You don't have to go through this alone.  Dealing with divorce is one thing but hearing the put downs and disregard for your feelings is another.  You shouldn't have to hear any of this and we are so sorry that this is causing you so much pain. 

It is great that you decided to reach out and contact us.  The more you open up about how you are feeling the better.  Realizing that you can't fix the divorce, money issues or your father's drinking problem is your first step. Those are not your problems. What you can do is talk about how these issues are effecting you. 

Talk with someone that you do trust that will listen and offer you support.  They may not be able fix those issues either but knowing that you have someone to vent to is sometimes all we need. 

Don't bottle up these feelings because at some point all of those feelings that you push down will explode and come out in ways that are unhealthy.  If you could talk with someone , who would that person be?  Would you tell them what you told us?  Is this person someone that you can visit? 

It is important to talk with your mom as well as your dad.  Since they are both there do you feel comfortable enough letting Dad know that his words hurt you and it is too much information for you to hear?  Unfortunately, Dad most likely doesn't understand that what he is saying and doing is having such a big impact on you.  It's not your fault.  

It sounds like Dad could use some help as well.  If he would like to call us at the Hotline, 1-800-448-3000, and talk about what he is going through, he could. Pass our number on to mom and dad.  We talk to parents all the time. 

Keep reaching out. We hope it helps to talk with us about what you are going through. We are here 24/7 by phone if you should decide to call us.  Keep emailing if you want.  We just know that from what you are writing, you need support. We are here for you. 

Take care,
Naina, counselor
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