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Edited: 11/23/2011 11:26 AM by
Mom Doesn't Trust Me

Sometimes I feel as if no one listens to me or even takes me seriously. My parents are divorced so I live with my mom. She happens to be somewhat strict. She has to know where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with at all times. I mean it's like she doesn't trust me. I've talked to her about it before, but she kept bringing up stories that happened on the news about kidnapping and murders.

She thinks I know nothing about stranger danger. I mean I know not to talk to or accept rides from strangers. Usually when I ask to go somewhere it's in a public place. I only go with people I know, and trust. I mean what's the problem? I'm a good kid. I graduated early at the top of my class. I'm not a rebel.

I don't cuss. It really doesn't help being the youngest sibling either. She treats me slightly different from my sister who is 2 years older. I really just want to move out or go to a university. Anything to get away from her. She's always in my business. Why can't she just trust me? I wish I could prove to her I can take care of myself.

She's always pressuring me to go to community college as well, even though she knows I don't want to. I'm alone most of the time during the day at home. I have a part time job but when I'm alone, I start thinking about how much I hate my life and how I wish I was older or at least still in high school. I'm locked up most of the time so I don't have any friends. I don't even bother with a boyfriend. I'm way too shy and insecure. There's a ton of things I wish I could change about myself and my life but being sad and miserable isn't cutting it.

Edited: 11/23/2011 11:28 AM by

Thanks so much for writing us today. It's really great that you're looking for support in this situation.

It absolutely makes sense that you're looking for more trust from your mother. You're on your way to an independent life, and taking more steps toward that independence is inevitable and natural. Parents do tend to be a bit more protective of their youngest children.

What might work for you is to sit down with your mom and have a talk to establish a method of growing your independence incrementally, bit by bit. Now you'll need to accept that she's not going to let you stay out until 1 AM right away, or anything like that. One idea might be to start things with a month of close supervision, where you would go out to safe, public places with plenty of supervision, and call your mom once every hour to assure her that you're safe. After that, you can call every two hours, etc. Express to your mom that you feel you've shown a great deal of maturity and dependability already by succeeding in your part-time job, and simply ask to grow that maturity bit by bit with her support. If you have a calm and rational conversation about it, keeping your cool each time she has a counterpoint, that will go a long way to showing additional maturity.

We're here for you if you need any further help and advice after this sit-down with your mom, and you can also call us at 1-800-448-3000. We've got counselors available around-the-clock to help and support you, and all calls are free. We can even give you referrals for family therapy agencies that can help mediate things with your mom to bring you to an agreement. Keep in touch if we can offer any further support.

Sincerely,

Counselor Graham