Thanks for reaching out to us. We're sad to hear about the relationship troubles you're having with your mom. It's obvious that despite the pain and disappoint she's caused you, there is still a desire on your part to work things out to try and make things better between the two of you. The thing is, no matter how much effort you put into healing the relationship, she has to be willing to do the same. She has to take responsibility for herself and her actions toward you.

Once she can be honest about these things and others, not only will she begin to heal, but the relationship she has with you may begin to change for the better as well. If she decides to make at least half of the commitment that you have, there's no question that things can and will turn around.

You stated that when you try to talk to your mom she considers it arguing. While this certainly doesn't make things any better, you have to know that this is not about you. I am not making excuses for her, but when people have unresolved issues of their own, until they deal with them head on, everyone in their path will suffer the rage, anger, and whatever else they feel until they do something about it. In this case your mother is directing her pain at you. It's not right or fair but she's doing it.

Whether it's just her drug addiction or hurts that go deeper than that, she has to work through that before she can truly offer you the love and relationship you deserve. It's hard to love someone when you don't love yourself. Drug addiction is just one of those evils that robs you of the ability to not only to see love, but to receive it when someone is trying to give it to you. Again, even though you so desperately want to have a better relationship with your mother, it is something that will take time.

Having survived the abusive situations you experienced with your mom, there's no question you are a strong young woman. To want to have a relationship with her after enduring all of this hurt speaks to how much you still believe in the power of recovery and forgiveness. It is my hope that as you move forward in your own life you will make room for others to give to you the same type of kindness and compassion you so graciously give to them. Your mother is lucky to have such a daughter, and hopefully she will realize this much sooner than later.

As for what to do about things, continue being you. Try to be patient with your mom and the way she handles things. Know that underneath all of the drug addiction is someone who loves you probably more than life itself. above all, know that it's not your responsibility to fix this relationship alone.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

Take care,

Alicia, Counselor