We are very happy that you recognize that you need help, and are reaching out for it. Seeking help is usually the hardest part. Once those around you know how you are feeling, they can help you to work through it. We all have periods in life where things are not working out that well, and we feel like it will not get better. That is not true though, things do improve. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for everything to sort itself out. From your email, it sounds like you have had some sort of help but it didn't really improve things as of yet. Depending on what help you have sought out, you might just need a little more support at this point than what you have gotten to date.
Cutting is a far too common way for people to cope with their issues these days. It is truly sad that you feel things are so bad, that you choose to inflict pain upon yourself. You do not deserve to endure such pain, and you really should not be causing yourself this physical pain no matter what you are dealing with. It is even more concerning to read that you want to die. No matter what is going on, it gets better. Death should not be the way your young mind is thinking. There is so much more in life to look forward to, than this brief chapter in your life. When you start having thoughts of cutting, or to die that is a time to talk with your parents. They love you very much, and want to make sure that you pull through this in the healthiest way possible. However, if they do not know what exactly is going on then they can not help you in the ways that you need it. If you have not talked to them about this yet, then please do so. Another resource is your school counselor. They are there to help those get through situations like this. They can provide you immediate support, as well as help talk with your parents about getting you some extra help if need be. So consider reaching out to them as well, because they really do want to help you.
We all have triggers that can set us off, and that is when we turn to unhealthy coping skills. Cutting is the coping skill you are utilizing that is very unhealthy for you in many ways. You risk infection, or even cutting too deep and having to seek medical attention. This is something that no ones wants to see happen to you, because you deserve better than this. If you feel that things are getting bad, and you want to cut then try exploring other options. A healthier way to cope would be do call up a friend to talk with instead of cutting, try starting a journal to put down your emotions and reflect from them, or even work on some art project if you enjoy it. The idea is to focus on something positive that you can do, instead of harming yourself.
We want you to know that you are free to reach out to us anytime. We have counselors here 24/7 that want to be able to help you through this rough patch in life. In fact, it would be great if you emailed us back to let us know that you did get our response and to let us know that you are okay. We are concerned that you want to die, and are curious if you are having suicidal thoughts and if you plan on, or if you have ever acted on thoughts like that. Please email us back, and let us know how you are doing tonight. Or even better, give us a call to talk with us directly about what is going on.
Best,
Mandi, Counselor