Thanks for taking the time to reach out to us tonight. With all that is going on, it is no wonder that you are feeling as down as you are. You provide such a great listening ear to your friend, and in return you get nothing. What others do not often know, is that the listeners need help sometimes too. You are not alone in this situation, and there is help out there.
You come from a large family, have managed to stay strong, and make it through school, so it is apparent you are doing something right. Some parents are not as affectionate as others, that does not mean that they do not love you. Because you are not going to pursue a medical career, that does not mean they hate you. In their mind, they had something they thought they could encourage you to do. As a young lady, verging on adulthood, you are making some of your own choices. This might be hard for them to accept, but trust me, they will accept it in due time.
Give your parents some time to come around, and see that you can be successful even if you do not go in the medical field. Once they completely understand that, then they will more than likely open up, and be more supportive of your choices.
The fact that you mention suicide is very concerning to us. It is very important that you realize that this time in your life is temporary, and that it is inevitable that you will move past this. However, death is something that you can not come back from. Your family would be devastated by the loss. It is important that you talk with someone about how you are feeling. Things have gotten out of control enough, and there is no more time to keep things bottled in.
If you can not talk to your parents right now, then turn to a school counselor, a teacher your trust, or another adult that you feel comfortable talking to. Let them know that you are really struggling, and that you need some support. It might not be easy at first, but getting it out will be a great relief. Once you get this out, and have others helping you, then you can move forward. Things can, and things will get better for you. Whatever you are feeling now, you will not feel for a lifetime.
In the meantime, try journaling down some of your feelings. This is a good way to get things out, and to reflect on them. Focus on the things in your life that you do have control over. For instance, you have control over what friends you talk to, if you are overloaded, then you might not be in a position to be there for them right now. It is okay to just focus on you, and getting through your problems. Keep your chin up, and talk with those around you. We are here 24/7, and have counselors available now if you need a listening ear. We want to help!
Best,
Mandi, Counselor