Thanks for getting back to us with more of what is going on. We are so sorry to hear that you feel you have no support, being your age and not having someone you can talk to about the hard stuff is extremely difficult. Please know that we talk to teens everyday about similar situations. We hope that we can be a source of support for you.
Feeling suicidal is not a very good feeling to have and when we do not let the people who care about us know what is going on there is no way for them to help. Have you actually thought of ways to end your life or done anything to try, recently? We really hope that you can keep yourself safe from attempting suicide and would hope that you could reach back out if you are unable to do so. Have you ever told anyone that you have been feeling suicidal? It is definitely a difficult thing to discuss with someone, but again if no one knows more than likely you will not get any help. A good person to talk to is your school counselor, they can be very supportive and even offer to help you talk to your parents. You mentioned that your sister was your only support, but she is off in college, have you talked to her about your feelings? You have to understand that she would want to know how you were feeling and would be devastated if you ever did anything to hurt yourself. Remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will not feel this way forever and you will not be in this situation forever, things will get better.
We really hope you will consider giving us a call, even though you had a bad experience with a helpline. By calling we can discuss different ways of coping with all of your stress instead of cutting; like journaling, exercise, music, reading, movies, etc. There are so many positive coping skills that can be useful to you and we want to help you figure them out. Maybe try writing to us each time you feel like cutting, see if that will help alleviate the pain for awhile. Remember we are always here for you and never hesitate to get in touch with us!
Take Care,
Andria, Counselor