We are so glad you contacted us here at the Hotline, it is extremely brave of you to be expressing your feelings. It is very scary to have suicidal thoughts, especially with no support. Please know that there are people that can and want to help you. Remember no one will be able to help you unless you let them know what is going on.
It is difficult to feel that what is going on inside you is very different from what others see on the outside. Have you thought about telling your parents how upset you have been feeling? Another person that could really help and listen to you is your school counselor. If you have never talked to anyone about your suicidal thoughts, it is worth a shot to tell a trusted adult. You will be amazed at how relieved you feel and on the path to get the help you deserve.
It is good that you have never done anything to hurt yourself, but we are still worried about you. We hope that if it came to a point where you were going to do something that you would email or call us before you did anything. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things will get better and if you get the help you need it could be better sooner rather than later. If your friends change their relationship with you it would be because they are scared for you and do not know how to help you. Remember if they are true friends the will be there for you! Please consider calling us so we can help you work through this tough time. We are here 24/7 and always have counselors available to talk with you. If you are uncomfortable calling, please continue to email us about how you are doing and what is going on to make you feel this way. Maybe it will help ease some of your pain to write it all down.
Take Care,
Andria, Counselor