Thank you for writing to us today. We're very glad that you're reaching out for help in this challenging time.
We're sorry that you've had such trouble coping with these feelings, but do know that you're not alone. From the sound of it, you could definitely be suffering from depression, and you should also know that depression is not your fault. There can be many different causes for depression, but you should know that it's a legitimate illness that's caused by real chemical factors in the brain. It's not the same as just feeling down or feeling sad. It's an illness, and it has to be treated like an illness.
We're sorry to hear about your natural father's suicide, but we want you to know that his suicide is not a prophecy for your own life. His fate is not your fate. You've already made a big step to insure that by reaching out for help to us today.
And we want you to continue to reach out for help, as well. We don't want you to have to pretend that everything is okay, or wait to "grow out of it." That is possible, as your brain chemistry changes as you grow and mature, but you don't deserve to wait for that to happen. You deserve to be happy as soon as possible, and to be honest about who you are. It sounds like you have good support from your mother and step-father, and they're a great place to start. You can tell them about what you're feeling, including the thoughts of death and depression, and they can get you connected to the resources that can help you conquer this depression, and they can support you themselves.
We know that conversation can be intimidating, so you might consider writing them a letter, which you can deliver to them or read to them aloud, if you like. You can also call our Hotline, for free, at any time. You can talk to our counselors about what you're feeling, suicidal thoughts and all, and then we can even talk to your parents on your behalf if you like. We particularly want you to call us if you feel like you can't keep yourself safe. The number is 1-800-448-3000.
Just know that we're here for you, that a lot of resources are waiting to help you, and that you don't have to fight your depression alone. Nobody should face that fight alone. Please keep reaching out for help, and please let us know if you need any further help. We're on your side in this crucial time.