Thanks for reaching out to us. Dealing with depression all alone is hard, especially when you feel like you have no support. Sometimes working through depression means not focusing on what others aren't doing for us and figuring out what we can do for ourselves. In no way am I saying that having support from others doesn't matter, but when we put expectations on the type of support we want from them and don't get it, it's devastating.
Many times we have to be our own best advocate for help through difficult situations. Doing so can make the difference between beginning to feel better and being stuck.
First let me say that no matter how difficult things are, none of it is worth ending your life! Although it may not feel like it, you have to know that where you are in your life with things is temporary. You will not always be in this position and you will not always feel this way. You owe it to yourself to have a chance at seeing things get and be better. Sure, it often takes a lot more time and energy that you might have or want to give, but in the end it will be worth it because you are!
Please keep yourself safe. If you ever feel like you can't, please let someone know or give our hotline a call (1-800-448-3000). Counselors are always available to listen to you, talk with you, and will help you process these thoughts and feelings that can be scary to deal with alone.
You say you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. What things do your like to do? Places you like to go? Is it possible for any of these things to be done with a little more effort? Have you tried getting a friend(s) to help you? Sometimes instead of waiting for the opportunity to come for things to do or places to go, we have to create them.
Try setting a goal for yourself to plan and do one or two things that would be really meaningful for yourself. With any luck, you may be successful at doing them and they may become major stress relievers for you. The more active you can be in these ways, the less you might feel depressed about everything.
This is only one idea to try and help you deal with your depression. If doing so doesn't work there are definitely other things you can try. The key is not giving up and making the effort for yourself and not everyone else. We want to help you get through this and are willing to help you find the right kind of support you need to do it. Keep us posted on how you're doing. We're here and WE CARE!
Take care and be safe!