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Edited: 4/8/2010 2:01 PM by
Stuck In An Unhealthy Relationship
Ive been dealing with a lot of depression problems, and its been getting worse and worse. I am struggling to do the normal things in my life like homework and chores and stuff. I feel the problems stem from an unhealthy relationship im stuck in. There is a girl that ive been best friends with since 2nd grade, and a year ago we tried dating. It ended horribly, and I said things that make me sick to my stomach. I love her, and have been trying to get her back, but she just wants to be best friends. Its crazy hard for me to be just friends with her, and i dont want to lose her but i cant just go on while she tries other boys and views me as her mistake. It kills me. I love her. She just wants to be friends, and says she doesnt think she can ever get past what i did to her. Everyone ive talked to says Oh, just get over her and stuff, but i cant. I just cant. I talk to her every day, and i try and stop but i cant. I like her too much. I want to be with her all the time. This is the thing that bothers me the most, and it has affected everything. My grades in school have dropped significantly, and i cannot find myself able to concentrate on anything. And to make it even worse, my older sister who ive looked up to and followed is having serious depression and suicide problems as well, and shes also gotten into drugs which really bothers me but theres nothing i can do because she just gets mad at me if i bring it up. She uses the drugs as an outlet for her depression, and Im afraid I will end up the same well. I am seroiusly unhappy and upset every day. I feel so hurt and upset and confused, I am very unstable right now and just cannot continue to do my normal actions. I dont know what to do. Please can you help me. Thanks
Edited: 4/8/2010 2:03 PM by
Maybe your ex-girlfriend and your friends are right...that just being friends with her is the best thing for now.  The fact that you were friends for so long since you were both young children, and that when you dated it was not a good experience, could mean that you were meant to stay friends.  But sometimes, even though we may know with our intellect that a decision is for the best, our feelings can overrule our logic and we can feel confused and sad.

You might want to think about limiting the contact you have with your ex-girlfriend, until you feel you can get your emotions under better control.  It is OK to feel sad and disappointed that the relationship didn't work out, but it might be healthier for you to be around other friends until you feel strong enough to be "just friends" with her again.  If you find yourself obsessing about her, it's time to take a break and start to reach out to other friends for support, and busy yourself in activities you enjoy such as sports, music or school stuff.

Besides the situation with your girlfriend, you are dealing with a great deal of stress in your life right now.  You definitely don't want to go down the path of your older sister who abuses drugs to make her depression go away.  Truth is...drugs don't help depression...they make it worse.   You can not make her better, but you can tell your parents about what is going on with her.  If she is depressed, using drugs and talking about suicide, she needs professional help.  Telling your parents or another adult in her life like a teacher or a pastor, might help you reduce some of the anxiety you feel.  You can be there to emotionally support her, but because of your young age, you can't get her the professional help she needs.  An adult needs to step in for that.  But give yourself a pat on the back for being such a caring and awesome younger brother!

Just as you want your sister to get help for herself, we want you to talk to someone about how you are feeling.  Can you talk to your parents?  Is there a school counselor, a pastor or a teacher?  If not, is there a grandparent or an aunt whom you can talk to?  You can always give us a call on our Hotline and talk with one of our counselors, or you can keep on reaching out by e-mail.  Either way, we are here 24/7 to listen and support you.

Take care and stay safe.  We hope to hear from you again soon!

Cynthia, Counselor