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Edited: 3/31/2010 11:53 AM by
Confused About Intimacy
Hi, I'm 15 years old and I'm a sophomore in high school. I have many stressful things in my life at this age like family problems, friend drama, school drama, peer pressure, college, grades, etc. Recently, I went on The Pill because I have irregular periods and needed to fix that. My mom knows and she was the one who suggested I go to the gyno and ask about it. So there are no secrets about that. BUT- I am "friends with benefits" with this guy at my school. We were really good friends before the physical stuff started. We started as friends and then we told each other that we liked each other. But then shortly after that he told me he got a girlfriend. We started our "thing" before they started going out, but once they started going out we didn't end it. They are still going out and we're still hooking up. We have talked about having sex before but we've never made a decision. Oh yeah, I'm a virgin. We agreed that whatever happens happens. We won't force anything, we'll just see what happens. He knows I'm a virgin and he said it is ok if we wait to have sex or never have sex. It is all up to me. But I REALLYYY want to but don't know what to do. I don't know if I should wait for someone I'm in a relationship with and love or if I should just do it. Help?
Thank you.

Edited: 3/31/2010 11:55 AM by
Thanks for taking the time to reach out to us today. It sounds like this relationship is wearing on you, and giving you a lot to think about. Making the decision to get intimate with someone, is a huge decision to make. It is also something that you make sure you do when you are completely ready. From the sounds of things, this guy is already involved with someone else. It is not going to benefit you any to get into a sexual relationship, and intensify things when he can not even completely commit to just you. You deserve to be with someone who is only with you, and no one else. Being in a relationship should not require you to share your boyfriend with another woman. This is something you should think long, and hard about.

Other than this, you are dealing with a variety of other things as well. Why would you want to complicate things by getting involved sexually with him right now. Take things nice, and slow for now. If he is ready to be committed to you, and only you then you can let your relationship grow one day at a time. There is absolutely no need to rush. In the end, it will all work out just fine with or without him.

Since you are dealing with a variety of things right now, it might be good for you to talk with someone about this. Trying talking with your mom about the things you are struggling with. If you need extra support, and guidance at school then pop in and talk with your school counselor. Those around you can provide you with support through all of this, all you have to do is ask them to. As well as your friends, and family, you can reach out to us when you need to.

Wishing you the best,
Mandi, Counselor