Thanks so much for taking some time to reach out for help, support, and advice for your situation. It sounds like the two of you have gone through quite a bit lately, so it makes sense you are feeling confused and stressed out, who wouldn’t be? It is a great sign you were able to reach out; instead of letting the situation get the best of you, it helps to have others there for some assistance.

It sounds like the two of you have both done some things you regret. Cheating on your boyfriend doesn’t make you a bad person or anything. A lot of people get the urges to "see what else is out there" or let their curiosity get the better of them. It doesn’t make it right, but at the same time it doesn’t make you a bad person either. If you are curious other guys out there, then perhaps you just aren’t ready or committed for a long term relationship at the moment.

It sounds like there are some issues which need to be worked out; both of you seem to care about each other quite a bit, but trust, commitment, and faithfulness seem to be lacking. Think about the ideal relationship you want to be in; are these things which are present in such a relationship? This doesn’t mean the two of you can’t have this type of relationship one day, but right now it doesn’t seem to be headed in that direction.

Here is a link which could help you analyze your relationship a little further: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/DiscoverIt/Articles/Pages/Whatdoyouwantin.aspx.

Have you thought about taking some extended time apart from each other? If cheating on each other, stress, and frustration are actively occurring in the relationship then you are right, maybe it is time to take some time to see how things go. The two of you aren’t going anywhere, so if you spend some time gathering your thoughts, letting your feelings heal, and calming down you can get back to clear, level headed thinking.

If he cares about you, then he will be willing to give you some time and space. Relationships are built on friendship and trust, so maybe the two of you hopped back into things a little quickly after having so many hurt feelings and so much drama swirling about.

We know you are stressed out, frustrated, and overwhelmed by all of this. Instead of trying to rush and make a decision, now is the time to relax and get your thoughts and feelings in order. Talk with your boyfriend; let him know how you feel and what you want to have happen. Regardless of what you tell him, a caring boyfriend, and friend, would respect your wishes.

Hopefully this gives you some things to think about as you move forward. We are always here, so please let us know how things go or if you need anymore help or support.

Abe, Counselor