We are so sorry that you are going through this heartbreak. One of the worse things in life that we have to deal with is the ending of some of our relationships with other people. You have given your heart and soul to this boy. It is unfair how rumors were started about you and how he feels about you now. You didn't deserve to have your heart broken like this.
It is hard to live without him as your boyfriend, but it is obvious that he is not being the sweet person that he once was. It may not seem like it now, but the best thing for you is to be rid of him. There are so many other people in this world who treat you with more respect. Please don't spend another tear on someone who has been disrespectful towards you.
You cannot make this boy want to go out with you again. It's his choice and his behavior. Today, start doing things that are in your control. To help you get over this break-up, surround yourself with friends and family members who can help you take your mind off of him. Give lots of hugs to these people; you will feel better! Get yourself busy with schoolwork, housework, a hobby, a good book, etc. to keep focused on other things. Get outside and exercise; fresh air will relax you, and physical activity increases the "feel good" chemicals in your brain.
You mentioned that you want to die; does this mean that you feel suicidal? Nothing is worth suicide, especially for this boy. You have so much of your life yet to live! Think about all the things you still want to do. Think about all the goals you have yet to accomplish. Your life will get better, and as time heals your pain, you will feel happier. If you ever consider suicide, make sure that you let someone know how you feel. It is very important that you talk to someone you trust to help you. Please keep that safety plan for yourself.
It was great that you found us and wrote to us! Good for you! You will get through this. We are here for you whenever you need any kind of help.
Take care,
Jacque, Counselor