We’re so glad you decided to talk to someone about the sadness you’ve been feeling.  You asked a great question about whether you should wait it out or get help.  It sounds like you’ve been struggling for at least three years when you lost your mother.  That’s a long time!  Plus, that’s a tragedy that many kids your age would need extra help coming to terms with.  We definitely think you should ask for help; don’t wait for things to get better on their own.  You’re on the right track!

It isn’t easy opening up about your feelings, so it makes sense that you’re having trouble talking to your sister.  Perhaps what you could do is tell her the bare minimum until you’re ready to tell her more.  You could say something like, “Y’know, I’ve been dealing with some really low feelings for a long time, and I haven’t told anyone.  I was wondering if I could talk to the doctor about this.”  Assuming your sister is your guardian, see if she’ll help you talk to your doctor.  Tell your doctor all your symptoms and see what he/she thinks.  Your doctor is the one who can confirm your theory about having depression.

In the meantime, try journaling.  If you can’t talk to people about your feelings, at least try to get them out through writing.  You don’t have to be a great writer or anything like that.  Just sit down and scribble out a few sentences when you feel overwhelmed.  Eventually, you’ll get into the habit of keeping a journal, and that will help you acknowledge and process your feelings.

Good luck with everything!

Kate, Counselor