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Hotline Discusion Feeling:Tearing Me Apart :QuestionAnswerUse SHIFT+ENTER to open the menu (new window).Open MenuOpen Menu
Edited: 7/14/2011 1:33 PM by
Tearing Me Apart
My friend died because of a drinking problem. He was young, and he was my closest friend... EVER, and now he's gone. I've been pretty depressed about it since. I haven't talked to my parents about it because they disliked him, and they wanted me to stay away from him because they thought he was a bad person only based on ONE action.
 
I know he's not bad, but he was drinking because of his abusive dad. I can understand his problems with his dad, but I was really hoping that my friend would stay strong through it all. I can't stop thinking about that friend, and it's just tearing me apart. 
 
I don't know what to do :(
Edited: 7/14/2011 1:33 PM by
Losing a friend at such a young age and under such troubling circumstances can be one of the most difficult things a person can go through.  We're very sorry for your loss :-(.

Often there isn't much that can be said to a person to "make them feel better" but I can try to explain what a person generally goes through when someone close dies.
1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance

People generally go through these feelings on the road to accepting the loss that they have gone through.  You should try to dive deeply into each stage.  Often we try to skim through one or more of the grief stages to get to that acceptance point, but if we don't really take in each emotion, we often end up moving back wards.  So don't be afraid to feel this.  It's part of your life, and it's something that is going to change you forever.

The important thing to do on the road to acceptance is to make sure you aren't getting caught up in guilt or caught up trying to change something that you cannot control.  This person was a gift to your life.  He was someone who changed you and cared about you, and ultimately you have to see his life in this way.  Even though he passed away, he still was a gift to your life.

Don't expect this to go away any time soon.  Your brain has to change and re-think its entire reality.  The new reality your mind is trying to accept is one where this friend, this love, is no longer around.  It takes time.

We're always here for you, so don't hesitate to call or write.  Take your time and focus on how much you appreciated this person for their life, not how angry you are about their death.

Boys Town Counselor PW
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