It Won't Make Me Feel Better
Please help I don't know what to do. I starve, binge/purge, and chew/spit. No one knows about this. My parents think the reason why I'm not eating is because I'm vegan. My dad is making me write down a list of meals I'm going to eat for the week. I can't do that. If I eat I will have to purge. I don't want to purge anymore.
If I don't purge after eating. I will feel guilty and depressed and disgusting. I will cut myself. I don't want to do that. My dad already made me eat a grilled cheese sandwich today. It wouldn't come up when I tried to purge, so I cried and cut in the shower. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I can't tell my dad I do this to myself.
My parents will be heart broken. They will blame themselves or each other. I can't manage to feel good about myself no matter how hard I try. It's as if there's something wrong with me. Maybe there is. I can't go along with this anymore. I can't eat. I just can't. Eating won't make me feel better at all. Please help. I don't know what to do.
We know this was very difficult to reach out to us, yet it was very brave of you open up to us about your situation with eating. You said you just don't want to do this anymore. That maybe your cry for help that needs to be heard by the loved ones in your life.
You obviously are hurting and a lot of times food becomes a way of dealing with really tough emotions. You have to realize that it isn't the food you can't eat it is the emotions that are hard to deal with or face. Food is only a way to deal with the pain but it isn't the reason for your suffering.
We are very concerned that you are getting to a point where eating is becoming something you just can't do. We understand how impossible you may feel that is, but, we want you to consider that by not eating is only having you distort your judgment and you may need others to help you now.
We want to encourage you to let someone know as soon as possible. If you have others to lean on and to really help you get through the fear of eating, you can start the healing process so you don't have to suffer so much. There is help for you! You were so brave reaching out to us, now we want you to use that courage again and let someone in your support system know.
Here is a website I want you and your family to study that has a lot of good information along with help for you. www.something.fishy.org.
We also want you to continue to reach out to us and you can also call when ever you need someone. Our number is 1-800-448-3000.
Take care of yourself,