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Edited: 5/20/2010 2:05 PM
Dealing With Depression
I want to hurt myself but I don't want to die.My therapist won't help me in the right way.I get very obsessed with things for example I will almost "stalk". Well, I don't follow them around but I will care about things and go on my teachers fiancee's facebook and I feel like I have to.I also get irritable all the time but I think that's because of my depression.I work really hard but it never feels like it is good enough. My parents say "Oh it's just your depression". I have tried breaking my wrists and fingers just to get attention.I feel like Im weird.I have many friends but they all get on my nerves all the time. I feel like my parents favor my brother.He has many problems with depression and things like that worse than me but I feel like they don't care but I know that they do.It is a confusing feeling.I feel unloved.I think this is probably all because of my depression but Im not sure.I have GAD,OCD, and major depression disorder for sure.I'm on wellbutrin and celexa ( hope I spelled those right!) and those took away the suicidal thoughts but I still feel bad.I care about what EVERYONE thinks including people I don't know.I feel terrible when people don't like me; and care to much about what they think. Sorry for bothering you!Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!
Edited: 5/20/2010 2:05 PM
Please do not feel like a bother, we are so glad you got in touch with us here at the Hotline!  It takes a lot of courage to write to someone about how you are feeling.  You are definitely going through some struggles right now and we want you to know that we are here to help in the best way we can! 

It can be very scary to want to hurt yourself all the time, especially if you feel you have no support.  We are very glad that you are not feeling suicidal and hope if you start to feel that way again you would reach out to us before doing anything.  Have you told your therapist these things?  We know you feel she is not helping you in the right way, but sometimes we have to let them know what we think will be helpful.  It is so important you tell your therapist the truth so they can help you to the best of their abilities.  If they do not know what is going on they are not going to help you very much.  Now on the other side, it will take time for you to get the appropriate help.  These things that you are dealing with can be very serious and will take time to change or get better.  We know it feels like things are not getting better, but remember the more truthful and honest you are the more things will get easier.  For yourself, you have to make sure you have a lot of POSITIVE coping skills (journaling, reading, drawing, music, exercise, movies, etc) that you can turn to when you start feeling anxious or depressed.  What are some things you like to do?  At certain times, some of your coping skills will not work so you have to have a big list of things you can try.  This way you are keeping yourself engaged and unable to do the negative coping skills you have acquired.  This of course is not going to be easy, but with time and dedication it will get better. 

We talk to so many kids about how they feel their parents do not care about them.  In actuality their parents do care, they are just unsure how to help them.  Sometimes they are scared or feel they can't help and worried about making things worse.  The best thing you can do with your parents is sit down with them and be as honest as you can.  Talk to them about how you feel and ways they can make you feel cared for.  Another good thing to do is to write them a letter.  Give them some suggestions at what you believe are good ways to show love.  This can open up a conversation for you all to get involved in and can help your family as a whole.  Remember your parents love you and want to be there for you!  

Always know that we are here for you 24/7.  We even have counselors you can talk with on the phone if you think that will be helpful.  Please continue to write to us and keep us informed on how things are going.  We look forward to hearing from you.

Be Strong
Andria, Counselor