I am 14. I have not truely felt happy in about 2 years. I have recently picked up an old habbit... i drink. Not so much as to where i have hangovers and people can tell but just enough to numb myself and fall to bed. I have cronic insomnia and i have managed to push one of my best friends away, i dont trust peopl, except for 2 people but i dont tell them much cause i dont want to be a burdern. My brother has ADHD, Bipolar, and Autism. He is violent and jittery. He yells and screams at me for the littlest of things. It doesnt help much that i have always had bad luck with friends. In elementry school i only had 5 friends. 2 died in a train collision, 1 moved away, and 1 left me last year. Im still not over the one who left me last year leaving. She cursed me out then walked away and i still cant eat chocolate chip pancakes or watch the tyra show or pass by her house without crying. And the last friend i have from elementry school, whom i've known since 2nd grade is not speaking to me for no reason at all and he wants me to be depressed or he wont ever talk to me again. The friend i have recently pushed away hates me now cause she couldnt take my emotions. I am also Bisexual and am dating a beautiful girl. I am head over heals in love with her and she loves me back. I cant tell my Dad or he will disown me because he has told me multiple times that all gays should burn in he l l. I would tell my mom but she would tell my dad and he would disown me. My girlfriend cant tell her Grandma (whom she lives with) or i will never see her again. We do have friends who are supportive, but i cant see one of them outside of school much anymore due to the fact that her mom thinks im going to rape her or something. Even though we are like twins. I hate being looked down upon by her mother. Her father however approves. I also cant stand being at school. Mulitiple guys want me to..... do stuff in the bedroom with them and i dont want to do it. I cant say that im dating a girl and im scared. I dont know what to do anymore and im flunking school and i would kill myself but i could never bring myself to hurt my girlfriend like that. I love her to much. I feel worthless. And stupid. What do I do?