I'm feeling a lot of uncertainty in my life right now. I am enrolled in an intensive outpatient year long program for a D.U.I. We are required to attend a minimum of 8 A.A. meetings per month. so I have been going frequently and have actually grown fond of them. I have been going to a meeting almost every night for the past 2 months.
I feel like a higher power wants me to get a sponsor and work the steps, but I can't seem to accept the fact that I need a sponsor. If I don't work the steps I know i will relapse. I am currently unemployed and hurting for cash. I feel like i'm just being super unproductive and lazy.
I am feeling more and more depressed going back to my old behaviors. (I have been clean off drugs & alcohol since August 26th 10) but still smoke pot,(need to quit that too). I feel like I am in a rut, on the verge of a relapse. I just want to get loaded.
I need to get a sponsor, start working the steps, and begin the recovery process once and for all. but I guess I am just subconsciously fearful of what that path may hold- it's the unknown.
What should I do?