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Hotline Discusion Bullying
Edited: 3/18/2011 1:40 PM by
I have a group of friends. A clique if you want to call it that. We're not "popular" (I don't believe in popularity anyways.) We're not "losers". For a while a lot of my friends (It's a group of about 8 girls.) Have been being pretty mean to me. Recently I've only had my best friend to count on. Even my other friend who I consider my best friend as well has been siding with the mean girls lately. 
 
They're not outright mean. They do it all under the surface. They have other girls sit at our lunch table. So me and my best friend can't sit there. They ignore us when we say hi. Today we were all going some where, and everyone was ignoring us. My friend and I started walking away. As we were they started to feel bad. They said "Oh sorry you can come!" 
 
We said we were okay, and so we started walking away again, and one of them yelled at us. For no reason! We're not the ones being mean. This has been going on for a while. Last year two of them in the group had a birthday sleepover party at a hotel. They invited everyone but us. A few months after that the girl that yelled at us had a party and didn't invite us. They've really just been awful to me, and my friend.
 
We don't know what to do. We want to leave our group, and not be friends with them anymore. Then we wouldn't have any friends because everybody else has their own little cliques. Next year we're starting high school, and if I decide to stay this year. Next year I promised myself I would leave. Even if it meant being alone.
 
I don't want to put up with it anymore. They make me feel bad all the time. I've been eating a lot more than I should. Then I feel bad, and don't eat at all for a while. I'm afraid I'm becoming either obese or anorexic. I'm really scared. I have nowhere to turn. Please help me!!!
Edited: 3/18/2011 1:40 PM by
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Edited: 3/18/2011 1:41 PM by
I am glad you emailed us today, what a confusing situation. The people who are supposed to be there for you as your friends are certainly sending mixed messages, and in my opinion, it does sound like bullying. Even though your friend are doing it and it is under the surface there is certainly some cruel things being said (verbal bullying) and some exclusion occurring (social bullying). This type of bullying is one of the hardest to deal with.  I am sorry you are experiencing it. 

What I am glad to hear is that you have a friend.  She sounds like a wonderful friend and going through this together with her is much better than having to suffer alone.  The other good news is that the school year is almost over, and with high school, comes a big mixing of cliques and friends. I bet you will find a new, more positive group of people to hang out with in no time once high school comes around. 

Maybe for now could you just kind of avoid the group?  So you don't actively leave, but you don't really engage with them either? I don't know if that would be possible, but it may be the most peaceful way to proceed. You could also just actively leave.  I mean, if they aren't treating you well, then it doesn't make sense to keep them around. It's not like you and your friend will be friendless, you will have each other and high school is just around the corner. 

You sound like a patient and responsible young woman who has been put in a tough spot, but has thus far handled it very maturely. Please take care and don't hesitate to make new friendships if the opportunities arise. You sound very caring and positive, so I bet you get all sorts of opportunities to make new friends, use them! 

Take care and please email us back and let us know what you are going to do, we would love updates!

Counselor, Dominic
Edited: 3/18/2011 1:41 PM by
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