We are so glad that you decided to reach out. You are really dealing with so many different issues but it all comes together because it sounds like you are dealing with some feelings of depression. We are not doctors and would never diagnose or try to diagnose but can see some very important risk factors present.
You lost a dear friend to suicide and that alone is so difficult to deal with and handle at any age. You were not responsible in any way and please understand that your friend made that decision themselves and you could not have done anything else to stop it. It sounds like you tried and you were supportive but they did not get the help that they needed. You had no control over that. It is something that we feel is important to talk about. Dealing with grief takes time and nobody can move you through it. Talk it out, cry it out and let people help. Don't dwell on how you could have changed the outcome because you can't. It wasn't supposed to be you and it doesn't have to be you.
Fighting with your parents is hard because you want their support and they may not know how mad, sad and angry you are feeling. Do they know anything that is going on? Do you ever just sit with them and cry and let them know that you are feeling as bad as you are? Do they know that you cut? Don't you feel you deserve the help or they deserve to know their kid is hurting? They do. Absolutely. Please consider talking with them. They can get you the help that you deserve and need.
Summer just has begun and if you want to make some plans, call the friends that you do have and make plans. See what happens. Just talk and hang out.
Bullying is a huge issue that so many kids deal with. What contact have you had at school with teachers, administration and staff? Has any of it been reported? What action have you used to stop the bullying? What do you say or do when people say these horrible things?
Please try to use a healthier coping skill other than cutting. It is dangerous and we want to help you find alternative skills. Cutting only pushes your emotions further down and puts a wedge in all of your relationships because you are not being honest with how you are coping and chances are you are hiding the marks and not telling anyone about it. Here is a list of coping skills that we have found to help so many others work through emotions and not use cutting. Check it out and give a few them a try. They do help but you have to be committed to working hard at them. Are you up for the challenge to get on a healthier road to feel better? We hope so and we are here to support you all of the way. http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/DiscoverIt/Articles/Pages/99-Coping-Skills.aspx
Continue to reach out and take things one day at a time. It gets too overwhelming to think forward too far and a waste of time to think about the past. Go forward in healthy ways and you will see a difference but it is up to you.
Let us know what you think and how you are doing.